Journal
by katie131925
Summary: My name is Kenna L. Neper Winchester, I'm thirteen years old and I was born on June 6, 1992 to Lana Neper Winchester and John Winchester. My mom was religous and taught me all about God. She died by the same demon that killed Sam and Dean's mom. We moved around after that. I never knew the truth about demons and hunting until Sam left. Now dad's gone. I'm praying for them.
1. Disclaimer

**I do not own Supernatural. I only own my own characters, and their own individual story lines.**


	2. 1 - Today

**Today-**

I know, bad title or what? Anyway, I'm writing this in the car in the new journal I got from Ms. Morgan before leaving that place. She says, 'it will help you with moving around.' Maybe it will but I doubt it. Besides my family is no ordinary family and so therefore I can't have any ordinary life which means no white picket fenced yard. And no house.

We move around all the time, my dad and older brother say it's because of their job and that's it but I know better. I learned the truth when I was nine, one month away from my tenth birthday and it changed me, to the core. I no longer was a little kid, a little innocent girl that was unknowing to the world around me and to my own family. Once I learned the truth, I didn't speak to dad as much as I could and same with Dean. I became silent for a long time, or at least until I understood that they were only trying to protect me. I forgave them in my own silent way and took the lessons in handling weapons, fighting, and knowledge with all I had because one day it probably would just save my life.

I miss Sam, his and dad's final argument was where I learned the truth and it was the last I saw of him. Of course I contacted him as much as I could but every time he or this woman picked up the phone I froze and I couldn't say anything. I would end up hanging up on him and that was that. He's the reason I got out of the last school, me and Dean are on our way to see him. Dad left on a "business trip" and has been gone too long which means he's probably gone. Dean won't say any this of course and tells me when I ask, "Were just going to visit our brother, that's it." He's lying. I can always tell when he's lying.


	3. 2 - Later

**Later-**

When I saw Sam again I could hardly breathe and if I was grown up in a family where tears were okay, I would have cried. But my family is different so I only nodded my head and looked away. He looked like he wanted to hug me but seriously? It was just way too awkward for the both of us. Dean quickly stopped it from getting even more so by sending me inside the car while him and Sam have some, "Grown up talk". Grown up talk my butt, oh well, just more secrets. It's not like we don't have enough of those around here.


	4. 3 - Friday

**Friday-**

Well we didn't find dad, no surprise there but, Jessica, her name was, she was Sam's girlfriend but not anymore. She died a few days ago and now it's just me and my brothers on the open road.


	5. 4 - Later

**Later -**

I heard Dean and Sam speaking last night when they thought I was sleeping and they were talking about the demon, the one that killed their mom and mine. It's getting closer they said and also that maybe they should leave me at Bobby's but they decided against that. They talked more about the demon but I tuned it out as I curled up in a ball and started to shake. If anyone asks I will deny writing, thinking, or even saying this but, I'm so scared.


	6. 5 - Monday

**Monday-**

We followed coordinates that dad left behind for us to follow and found ourselves in Colorado. Apparently upon further research that I did (since I am too young and innocent to know the truth) I found out that hikers have been going missing in the woods for a long time now. I wonder what it is. It could be any type of creature. I wanted to do more research but I had to get back to the motel before Sam and Dean found me missing.

Update on school, it sucks as usual and being the new kid is getting older and older. There are some really overly nice and actually underneath bitchy girls at the school Sam enrolled me into but I avoid them. All the guys are just immature brats and it's very annoying. Dean said I shouldn't even bother going which I agreed with but Sam was all, "education is important" which I'm not saying it isn't but I grew up a hunter and that probably will be my whole life. I want to find the S.O.B. who killed my mom, kill it, and kill all the rest of those S.O.B.'s. I see no other path ahead for me and let's face it, you never really do get out of this life, and Sam is a prime example.


	7. 6 - Wednesday

**Wednesday -**

I realize I never really explained my story or my past because really my story isn't finished yet. Well I guess I'll start at the beginning.

My name is Kenna L. Neper Winchester, I'm thirteen years old and I was born on June 6, 1992 to Lana Neper Winchester and John Winchester. They got married in 1991, December when Sam was only eight years old and Dean, twelve.

My mom took them all in and they were a semi happy family. Dad still hunted, he still raised my brothers as he did but when he would leave they would stay and my mom became a second mother to them.

I was born a few months after they married, the newest edition to our family. My mother agreed that I could be trained only so I could protect myself and nothing more. She wasn't around to watch me shoot my first gun or for me to read my first book on the supernatural. She died by the same demon that killed Sam and Dean's mom, dad's first wife when I was only six. Soon after dad started to train I and we moved around.

I never knew about anything as I have wrote before, until I was nine when I heard the argument between Sam and dad. I never let anyone know I knew because, well because I didn't really want to and they didn't want me to know either. I didn't want to disappoint them. They still don't know but I know I'm going to have to tell them soon because we are getting so much closer now and before I can go up against something like that, I need experience. I need dad and my brothers. I need my family.


	8. 7 - Thursday

**Thursday-**

Sam and Dean returned back safely, I thanked God that he heard my prayers like mom taught me when I saw them return. I pray for them and dad every time they leave but now I pray for dad every night. They don't know I do this, I never told them, it was and always be something that only I and mom will share.


	9. 8 - Saturday

**Saturday-**

I finally told them and they didn't handle it very well. Sam was upset because it would be nearly impossible for me to have a normal life now, (he didn't say but he didn't have to.) Dean was upset mainly because he couldn't protect me as well as he liked but he was also relieved, along with Sam too. They didn't have to hide or lie anymore and neither do I.

I didn't tell them intentionally, it sort of slipped out when we got into a big argument about whether I should go to Bobby's or not. I love Bobby like a second father (or grandpa) but I can't leave Sam or Dean and I can't abandon the search for dad so I'm staying. I'm still not allowed to go with them to "hunt" but I can do research which is a step closer and pretty soon I will actually be hunting.


	10. 9 - Tuesday

**Tuesday-**

Who knew there were so many kinds of underwater creatures? From mermaids to the loch ness monster and even, "Leviathan" which I've read in my small bible a year or two ago. I'm doing research for this case "we're" on while Dean and Sam go out and talk to witnesses. This job is really interesting and I feel so excited. I'm sad for the victims and their family but I feel better knowing that I'm doing something that could avenge their death and save lives. I feel useful, like I have a place in this large world and in my family, no longer a burden.


	11. 10 - Sunday

**Sunday-**

I snuck out of the motel room this morning while Dean and Sam were out and went to church. I'm not always able to go but I do my best, me and mom used to go all the time before she left to a better place. She was very deeply catholic and she raised me the same or maybe just a little bit less then deeply but I do my best.

We finished the last case and we saved a few lives or at least Sam and Dean did while I did research. We caught a case or at least my brothers thought they did until this afternoon and now we are leaving again. I didn't even get time to enroll in another school, I'm so sad, (sarcasm in case you didn't catch on.) Bobby found them or us a case which should take at least a month or two and he told them it was because we were closest. Ha, if fifty six and a half hours is the closest then Bobby isn't as social as everyone thought but I better be thankful as my mom taught me because I know he only gave us this case for my benefit.


	12. 11 - Thursday

**Thursday-**

Luke. His name is Luke and he's perfect. He has black hair and the most gorgeous blue eyes I've ever seen. His smile could light up a whole room and his nose crinkles up every time he laughs only to be set perfectly straight when he stops. His hands are large and strong, I know because he held up his hand to mine to see if his were still the largest in the class. I could only smile and nod dumbly as he talked to me and his friends. After he left, it was like the sun left with him and only dark, scary storm clouds remained. I miss the sun.


	13. 12 - Friday

**Friday-**

I was putting my books away in my bag by my locker when he walked up and said, "hi, there." I smiled as butterfly's filled my stomach and nerves set in but I was always good of controlling them as I answered, "Hello." He smiled at my voice I'm sure and said, "Wanna hang out at my house, 6pm?" I was about to say yes when I remembered my dad's and mom's warning about going over to guy's houses and my common sense kicked in, finally.

"Can't. How about on Saturday, the diner?" I asked as my face heated up.

"Works for me. 7?" He answered back with a smile.

I smiled bigger as he turned and walked away. When I got back to the motel room Sam and Dean were there doing research and before they could ask I told them I would be pretty busy with school work so I wouldn't be able to help. They said that was fine but I felt a little guilty at lying because the real reason I would be too busy was that I might just have my very first boyfriend.


	14. 13 - Saturday

**Saturday-**

I wore jeans, sneakers, a nicer tee shirt and one of my only nice sweaters to the diner. I dressed semi casual, I didn't want my brothers to get suspicious because they would only say I'm too young, then I would point out when they had their first girlfriends and an argument would surely ensure. In the end I would lose and my possibility of having my first boyfriend would be shattered, especially since its Luke. I feel giddy just thinking about him and how it went.

I arrived at least five minutes late and found him in one of the far booths. I joined him and we talked, just liked friends except it felt like more. We ate, had desert, and talked more. He offered to walk me back home, even if it was only a really crappy motel and not really a home. I made him stop a block away, saying that I will walk the rest of the way which he reluctantly agreed to, not before giving me a kiss goodbye.

A real kiss. Not a disgusting, gross slobbery one you sometimes see on movies but a short sweet small one. I felt like I was floating on a cloud and only when his touch was gone did I come back to the ground for a soft landing. I was too full of emotion to say anything as he walked away.


	15. 14 - Nearly A Month Later

**Author's Note:**

To the reviewer named **emma**: Apologies, I know it's short, but I'll try to update more often. Also, thanks for reviewing, means a lot :) -Katie.

**Nearly a Month Later-**

I've been so caught up in Luke and me that I have forgotten to write it all down. Nothing really important has happened except for the fact that Luke is my boyfriend! I like him so much and I want to be with him every second of the day. We've only kissed, made out, or – well that's it. I don't know if I will be able to leave him in the next week or two since that is all the time we'll need left to finish up this case, (according to Dean and Sam).

I haven't made too many really close friends but me, Julia, Nicky, and Ashly talk and are friendly with one another at school. We've become alright, but then again I'm not really good at making friends, I'm shy and don't talk much but that's okay. I have Luke.


	16. 15 - Wednesday

**Wednesday-**

I hate him. I hate myself for being such a naïve little girl and believing every single lie. Let me explain…

I walked into Luke's house since the door was unlocked and his mom was away working at this time. I expected to find him watching T.V. in the living room or in his room but what I found in his bed was far from it. He and Julia were making out.

My legs grew weak like I was going to collapse, I've never felt so alone, so weak, and so vulnerable. Dean, Sam and dad were right when they said, "I am too innocent and weak" because in that moment I felt all of it. That's all I am until Julia stopped kissing him and looked up at me.

"Go away skank, he's mine now." She said.

I didn't move as she said those words nor after as she stared, waiting for me to leave but I couldn't. It was like my feet were being sucked into quick sand and the more I moved it would only get worse or maybe it was the opposite way around.

She looked really annoyed as she rolled her eyes and got up, Luke's eyes trailing her body as she walked over to me. Only then did I realize what she was wearing and what she always wore, too short mini-skirts, tight, low cut tops, and way too much makeup. Slut and whore popped up in my mind as her hand drawled back which I could have stopped but was too stuck to be able to. Her hand collided with my right cheek, I felt it heat up with pain and humiliation. But I guess that was what I needed because I realized something in that moment, I'm a Winchester.

My fist connected with her cheek and nose and she fell over, passed out. Luke seemed to snap out of it as he got up off the bed and walked over to me, hand raised. I grabbed it before he could do anything and pulled it behind his back as I shoved his face into his wall. I let him go and he fell to the ground. I took one last look before leaving.

When I got back to the motel Sam was sitting in one of those too cheap plastic chairs with a bruise on the left side of his face. His eyes met mine before landing on the red hand print on the side of my face. I knew I wasn't getting out of this so easy, so I sat down in the empty chair beside him, with my legs curled up and finally feeling all the emotions from the night wash over me. A tear fell before I could stop it and I felt the arms of my older brother slip over my shoulders. He pulled me into a hug and we just sat there, feeling our emotions as we watched the stars make small lights in the blackened night.

Dean drove up a little later with hot chocolate. Sam's favourite. He almost started yelling once he saw the hand print on my cheek, but Sam calmed him down. He sat down with us, and we all drank the hot chocolate together.

In the end, all we have is family, and I think I understand that better now, after that night.


	17. 16 - Friday

**Friday-**

Planes. To me their just planes but to my brother Dean, their death traps and he would never go on one willingly unless lives were in danger, but even then… Well the reason I brought this up is because we are on a case that deals with planes and Dean isn't too thrilled. They even had to go on one and save everybody. I was scared when they left, that they wouldn't come back but they did and everything's fine.

What scares me the most is that the creature was a demon, a demon and there's probably more out there. I guess it's every time we come across new creatures that even we have never seen that scares me to the core. I mean if demons are out there, then that begs the question, what else is out there? I prayed extra hard last night.


	18. 17 - Thursday

**Thursday-**

Bloody Mary is what you play at my age and even older, sometimes younger. It's what you dare your friends to do when you're having a sleepover with them and give yourselves the scare of your life. Nothing actually happens of course and nobody really dies, it's a legend, a myth, but not today.

We're on a hunt, Sam and Dean just went to the latest victim's wake. When they came back I asked if they had any leads or anything that could help with research and Dean just said, "Bloody, fricken Mary." I looked to Sam and he told me what the victim's daughter said which was that her and her friends were playing bloody Mary before he died. So right now I'm doing research with Sam while Dean gets food but I had to write this down, I mean, "The, Bloody Mary."


	19. 18 - Friday

**Friday-**

So it wasn't really bloody Mary but it was someone who died and then started killing people who might or might not have had a hand in someone's death. It's all over now, although, I'm worried about Sam, him and Dean are closer than anyone I've ever known and there's something they won't tell me. There's lots of things they don't tell me but this one seems bad, so I hope Sam's okay and I hope that if I couldn't help, that Dean did… or will.


	20. 19 - Two Weeks

**Two Weeks-**

This last hunt was, well it was disturbing and I'm glad I wasn't in the crossfire or even that much a part of it. Imagine looking at an exact replica of yourself, it makes me get Goosebumps just thinking about it. I can't imagine what Dean feels but it's over now. On to the next one, and the next, and the next…


	21. 20 - Tuesday

**Tuesday-**

Hook man? Really? First bloody Mary then hook man, we're getting all the clichés lately.

Anyway, that's not what I wanted to write about, I finally convinced Sam and Dean that I can help more than just with research. They went to an open house to look for information with the locals on the death that took place not too far away from there and I got to tag along.

At first when we knocked or rather rang the doorbell the guy or owner who answered it thought my brothers were gay. I had to press my hand over my mouth to stop myself from bursting out laughing. Eventually we got through and into the back where everyone else (plus the food) were at. I went on my own though as soon as we got there.

I saw a huge hairy spider that was about to climb over a woman's hand and upon further inspection, a guy a little older than me laughing from far away, looking very amused. I scooped up the spider and handed it back to him.

"Yours?" I asked and he looked slightly mad as he said, "It's none of your business, go back to playing with your dolls or something."

I would have took that offensively but he didn't sound really mad or even like he meant to hurt me, just annoyed. I answered back with, "Don't have any, never did but what I do have is an awesome gun collection." Which is true, I collect guns, (of course Sam and Dean don't really know about that) I find them really fascinating and being me, you can use all the weapons you can get.

He looked surprised and said, "Really?" I nodded my head, "My dad would freak if I were you." Yeah, well mine would jump for joy, I thought but didn't say.

"Who's your dad?" I asked instead, to which he answered, "Larry, he usually skips me in the family introductions."

"First name basis, huh?"

"I'm not exactly brochure material."

I smile a little and say, "Me neither but things don't always stay the same do they?"

I left him after that.

We decided to stay at one of the unbought houses or at least Dean decided to and the next day, someone else died. We went to the house but I was told to wait in the car and I got bored. I followed them into the house and my brothers weren't too happy but they got over it. I didn't actually see the body though, I don't think I could handle it if I did. What we found were spiders.

I don't have much time left to write but basically what happened next was that we found out about a curse placed by the Native Americans for murder done onto them. What matters is that we saved Matt's (spider boy's) family and let me say this, bugs creep me out now but only a little.


	22. 21 - Friday

**Friday-**

"I have these nightmares, and sometimes they come true." That's what Sam told me and Dean. He then went on to explain how he had dreams about Jessica's death days before it happened. The reason for all this was because my brothers, their old home where their mom died, well Sam thinks the new homeowners are in danger. He was right.

Strange things started happening so then we did more digging and Dean found out about a physic who apparently told dad everything he wanted to know. We visited her and she is physic. She told me out of Sam and Dean's earshot, "You matter, you're important to them, much more then you realize." I guess I have to believe her and I know that what she said is probably true but a part of me will never believe it.

Anyway, we found a way to help them, almost died, well not me for some reason but my brothers and Missouri (the physic). It didn't work I guess. We went back, Sam and Dean went inside, and Dean got the mother, Sam the kids but only Dean came back. The mom was okay and the kids came running out but Sam was trapped. I was terrified.

Dean grabbed an axe and started chopping away at the door until he could get inside. I grabbed a gun filled with rock salt and ran in after both of them. When I got there Sam was pinned up against a wall, Dean with a gun pointed, and a spirit full of fire. I held up my gun with unsteady hands about to fire but Sam said not to, so we didn't.

Next thing I know the spirit full of fire is Sam and Dean's mom. She walked up to me first, put her hand on the side of my cheek, kissed my forehead and said, "Thank you." I don't why or even h- She went to Dean, then Sam to which she said, "I'm sorry." She got whatever else was there to go away… And then she was gone.


	23. 22 - Saturday

**Saturday-**

I just keep seeing Mary again, and again, over and over, her words and her actions. "Thank you?" What did I do? Nothing, that's what, nothing. But then why would she…? I just don't understand. There's so much I just don't understand.


	24. 23 - Sunday

**Sunday-**

I finally got to actually investigate something and that was an asylum. Yes it was as creepy as you would think, even more so since it was an abandon one. There was some creepy stuff but I was really trying, of course it didn't help that Dean was trying to scare me every two seconds and that it actually worked. Anyway they said it was a onetime thing, and also only because it was daylight out. Still, I feel good about where I stand now.


	25. 24 - Later

**Later-**

I feel like I'll never sleep again, even though I know that is impossible and I love sleep too much but not now. I was so stupid and they were so right. I followed them into the creepy asylum at night, way to go me. Anyway, it was just terrifying but eye opening in a way.

Once they realized I was following them, they wanted to take me back to the car or better yet the motel but it was too late for that. See some other people had the same stupid idea and now something was after us. Long story short, I went with Dean and the girl, Sam went to find her boyfriend and we caught up with one another. Dean told Sam to get me and the other two out of there which I didn't agree with but didn't argue. Later dean called and told Sam to hurry to the basement, I of course followed him and well got lost per say.

Next thing I know I'm holding a gun to my brothers but I don't want to, and then I'm wiping blood from my nose. I say, "Sam, Dean, and Step away from the door." They tell me to put the gun down and I say, "Why? Who really cares, am I right? No, you're right. I'll just point it at myself." I do what I say yet I don't want to then as they try to reason with me, "What? I'm just a nuisance. A burden that you both and dad have to carry, I can never do anything right, and I can't even hunt. Don't you get it, I don't belong here, I don't belong anywhere, and I certainly don't belong in this family. Hell, I'm not even a part of it, no matter what you say, I will always be the puzzle piece that doesn't fit. My mom died I should just die along with her." I pull the trigger but Sam pushes the gun out of my hands and in the end we all get out alive.

Even though I told them I didn't mean everything I said and I don't actually want to pull that trigger, it will be a long time before I can hold a gun again or even do more than just sit on my butt and research. The truth is though, I meant every word but the lie is that I would never purposely kill myself, not even if I don't belong.


	26. 25 - Monday

Monday -

We're on the road again. Not much I can say about that.

I didn't sleep last night. I couldn't.


	27. 26 - Wednesday

**Wednesday -**

I woke up to a phone ringing, it was Sam's. I couldn't believe it at first. Dad? Calling us? I thought he was gone, for good, or at least until he found the thing that killed Mary and my mom. And yet here he is on the other end of Sam's cell, telling us to go investigate a case.

I thought that was it, we'll follow where he tells us to go and investigate the case, but Sam had another idea. He wants us to follow the signal that the call came from- where dad is.

Dean says no. We have to follow dad's orders. Sam says that we are trying to find him, and then they argue.

I've locked myself in the motel bathroom with my stuff. They haven't even noticed that I'm gone.

They've stopped.

I better go. They're calling me.


	28. 27 - Thursday

**Thursday -**

Sam took off. I wanted to go with him, but Dean…

I yelled at him, I yelled at Dean and told him he was just like dad. Never letting anyone go. I felt so bad after, I told him I'm sorry, but I don't think he heard me.

Right now we are parked on the side of the road, trying to get some sleep. When I woke I saw a sign that said 2 miles away from the town we are headed to. I almost laughed. Dean thought we were hours away.

I better give him a peace offering for what I said last night. But I'm not sure what.


	29. 28 - Later

**Later -**

Bacon cheeseburger and apple pie. That's all it took.


	30. 29 - Sunday

**Sunday -**

We have been doing a little recon, and by we, I mean Dean. He's been going around town asking about the missing couple that breezed through town last year, or maybe it was the year before that. Anyway I wanted to go with him, but after that asylum, I think its best I stay away from cases as best I can. I'm still able to do research, but any actual hunting is off limits. I know that without even asking Dean.


	31. 30 - Later

**Later -**

I've been doing some thinking through the day while I did research, and going into that asylum was more than just creepy and scary. I felt exhilarated. I was scared, yeah, but helping take out that spirt was amazing. It felt right, justified, or something. I want to do it again. But maybe not so soon, later though.

For right now, I'm trying to not have nightmares. I get them every night, and sometimes I wake up, yelling, or at least I think I'm yelling. Sam and Dean haven't woken up yet because of me, and neither seem to notice. But Sam hasn't been sleeping the greatest either. I think he's getting better, but it's hard to tell. I guess it doesn't really matter now. He's gone. Again. Just like before.


	32. 31 - Tuesday

**Tuesday -**

I was shaking so bad yesterday, I couldn't right anything. Today the shaking has subsided, mostly. The dreams or nightmares, not so much.

Yesterday, while I was researching I found out about a professor in town who knew a lot about local history. I told Dean that he was our best shot about finding things out. So we went. We found out about some first tree or something- well I found out about it. The professor was trying to hide that little passage. But I could read it all. And then the next thing I know, were tied up in a cellar. These people- the towns people said they had to sacrifice us.

The tied us to a tree, and left us there until night fall. I couldn't stop shaking. This was the end, I was sure of it.

But low and behold Sam shows up, and I knew we would be okay.

We had to burn down a tree- the first tree, and then it was all over. Even so, I felt bad for the town it's people. Their crops started dying, and then their town.

I prayed for them.


	33. 32 - Wednesday

**Wednesday -**

We're on the road again. It seems we have found another case. More research for me. Yay.


	34. 33 - Thursday

**Thursday -**

This case is fascinating. I'd really like to work on it- more than just research. But I don't think Sam or Dean will let me. And those nightmares haven't gone away. Maybe I'll wait a little longer.


	35. 34 - Saturday

**Saturday -**

What now? What am I supposed to do now? Dean will be okay. He's always okay. He has to be.


	36. 35 - Sunday

**Sunday -**

Heart Attack. Maybe dad. Maybe another old guy. But Dean? He's only twenty seven. If I would have been there, maybe I could have stopped it.

There's nothing that can be done. Or so the doctor says. But the doctor doesn't know what we know.

Sam and I have been searching and searching for something, anything. So far we haven't got anywhere.


	37. 36 - Monday

**Monday -**

Dean isn't looking so good.


	38. 37 - Tuesday

**Tuesday -**

I don't stop praying.


	39. 38 - Wednesday

**Wednesday -**

Dean sat next to me, and told me that he knew about my nightmares. He said that he got them too his first night out. He also told me that when they happen, that I should think of Kat and her boyfriend. Of all the couples that could have died. All the people I helped save.

I don't think I'll get too many more nightmares about hunts anymore, but of other things, like Dean dying, I think they'll still come.

I don't know what I or even Sam will do without him.

He's practically raised us both.


	40. 39 - Thursday

**Thursday -**

I'm scared.


	41. 40 - Saturday

**Saturday -**

We've found something. We're on our way there now.

I've prayed about a million times.


	42. 41 - Sunday

**Sunday -**

This is our last hope.

Here goes everything.

Please Dean. Be okay. I need you. Sam needs you. We need you.


	43. 42 - Later

**Later -**

It worked! It's a miracle! God has done another miracle. I've prayed for thanks ever since.

But of course Dean and Sam, they don't have much faith. We are now investigating the faith healer that helped save Dean. It was mostly God, I think.

I'll help them, but it will turn up nothing.

I have faith.


	44. 43 - Monday

**Monday -**

So maybe there some strange deaths in this town, doesn't mean that the faith healer is a fraud, does it?


	45. 44 - Wednesday

**Wednesday -**

I really thought God was helping Dean. But I guess you never know what God is doing

We can't let innocent people die.

But the thing is, they are all innocent.


	46. 45 - Thursday

**Thursday -**

A reaper. He's controlling a reaper. We have to find the alter and destroy it.

Sam and Dean need all the help they can get. I'm coming with them.


	47. 46 - Friday

**Friday -**

It wasn't the faith healer. It was his wife.


	48. 47 - Sunday

**Sunday -**

I haven't written much lately. There hasn't been much but the cases. But today is Sam's birthday.

I talked to Dean, and we are going to pick up some food, and head out. We are going to watch the stars. We do it a lot. Sam and Dean sit on the hood of the impala and just look up. I lay down on the grass with my blanket. They drink beer, but I'm not aloud yet. More often then not I fall asleep and one or both carry me back to the car. But it's worth it.

Dean got Sam a book he's wanted for quite a while. He isn't really good with giving presents, neither am I, really. So he left it where Sam could find it. I did the same with the new laptop bag I got him. His old one is looking a little worn.

Dean was healthy, okay. We all were. And even though dad wasn't around, it was a pretty good day.

Happy Birthday, Sam.


	49. 48 - Tuesday

**Tuesday -**

We are on the road again. New case.

I'm bored.

We've been driving for hours and hours. Dean's cassettes are blasted on full volume, making sleep impossible. I've got nothing to do but listen and wait.

I made a new friend though. It's a little rabbit. I'm hiding it in my jacket. If Sam or Dean found out- well Sam would be okay with it. Dean on the other hand would get very angry. He doesn't like pets in the car, especially dogs. I don't understand why though. I like dogs. I could understand snakes or spiders, or even birds. But dogs? Everyone likes dogs. Except if you're Dean. He's strange that way.

Besides my new pet rabbit, nothing else has been going on. My birthday is soon though. If I could pick one thing for my birthday, it would be to have me, Sam, Dean, and dad all together. But without any arguing. And dad would be smiling. I wish he would smile more. And I wish I could see him.

Why do we have to be split up? Why can't we hunt this S.O.B together? As a family.

Sam says two more miles and we'll be there. He also says that he'll take me shopping. Something I've wanted to do for a while. I haven't had new clothes for almost a year now.


	50. 49 - Later

**Later -**

I'm writing this as I eat. Sam and Dean are researching. They've given me a break. So I'm writing in here.

Sam took my shopping like he said, and I got two pairs of new jeans, and a few shirts. I really wanted a new jacket, but I could find one I liked. Instead I got some new shoes. My old ones are falling apart. I threw them away a few minutes ago.

After we finished we picked up food for us and Dean. We took it back to the motel. Bacon cheeseburger, fries, soda, and a piece of pie for Dean. Chicken salad, and a water for Sam. Fries and extra gravy for me with an orange juice.

Dean said that he would do some research, willingly. I and Sam were very surprised. Sam said he would help, and that maybe I should go to bed early since I couldn't sleep on the ride here because of all the noise. Dean made a face and started defending his music. I stayed out of it. They're quiet now.

I just asked them what the case is about. Dean says there have been some mysterious deaths. Car accidents, Sam adds.

I'm tired. I'm going to bed. Or couch, since it's my turn on the couch.


	51. 50 - Wednesday

**Wednesday -**

When I woke up this morning there was a note left for me from Sam and Dean. I must have slept through them leaving. I'm a pretty deep sleeper.

The note said that they were gone investigating and that they would call with updates. Also that I could do more research. Thanks. They also left some pancakes for me that are nearly cold now.


	52. 51 - Later

**Later -**

Sam came back a lot later and said that Dean might not be back tonight. I asked him why, and he said that he had to work out some issues. Apparently Dean got a call from an ex-girlfriend, and that's why we are here. Makes sense though. Dean wouldn't so research even if the world was ending.


	53. 52 - Thursday

**Thursday -**

Another murder.


	54. 53 - Friday

**Friday -**

My heart is pumping faster than ever. Dean and Sam went to salt and burn the body, but it didn't work. The spirit, or truck was still there. Dean lured it away, buying time for Sam and me to think of plan over the phone since I was still in the motel. But we figured it out, and the spirit is gone.

My heart was pounding so fast I thought it would break out of my chest. I'm glad it's over. We're leaving soon.


	55. 54 - Sunday

**Sunday -**

Sam says that were staying in this town awhile so that I can go to school. I asked him about cases, he said they can wait. Dean didn't look too convinced. But Sam offered to take the couch so he didn't complain, neither did I.


	56. 55 - Monday

**Monday -**

I guess school is not going to happen, not for a while anyway. Sam had another nightmare. He made us go all the way to Saginaw, Michigan after he tracked the license plate there.

When we got to the house a man was just pronounced dead. Suicide they say, but Sam isn't convinced.

We got another motel room, but none of us could sleep after that.

Sam really wants to find out what's going on, but me and Dean, we're more worried than anything, I think. I've never seen Sam like this. He's jumpy, on edge. I hope he'll be okay.

I'm doing research now while he and Dean go out and get more information from the family members. But the thing is, they're going disguised as priests.


	57. 56 - Later

**Later -**

Sam and Dean are back and we're all doing research together. So far we know about the family; Roger Miller, Alice Miller, and Max Miller. The man who "committed suicide" was Jim Miller, Roger Miller's brother. We also learned about some of the former tenants of the house, bu


	58. 57 - Much Later

**Much Later -**

I had to stop writing, Sam had- not a nightmare exactly, but, well I guess you could call it a vision. My brother having visions? How much stranger can it get?

The vision he had was of Roger Miller dying, but not of natural causes. Sam and Dean rushed over, but they were too late. They came back for the night to rest. They say that they will go back to the Miller house tomorrow.

I think Sam blames himself, for not getting there soon enough or not knowing soon enough, or something like that. But that's crazy. This is not Sam's fault. It's the thing killing these people, that's whose fault this is.

I'm going to go tell him that. He needs to know.


	59. 58 - Tuesday

**Tuesday -**

Sam and Dean are at the Miller house talking to Alice and Max Miller. I wonder what they'll find. It can't be coincidence that two people from the Miller family have died already, especially with Sam's vision, can it?

I'm doing research, but it's turning up nothing right now. I'm digging into the family history, hopefully I'll get lucky.

Something just popped up.

Wait.

What?

Alice Miller is Max Miller's stepmom?

I've got to call Sam and Dean.


	60. 59 - Later

**Later -**

Sam had another vision while he and Dean were at Max and Alice's old neighborhood. The vision was of Max making a knife float toward Alice and kill her. Sam and Dean rushed over.

Sam talked to Max and found out that his mom died in a nursery fire when he was six months old, just like Sam. But then Max turned the gun on himself and he died.

As we were leaving Sam told Dean (they thought I was sleeping) that he moved the cupboard with his mind. Dean said not to worry and that he wouldn't let anything happen to him. If I wasn't eavesdropping I would have said the same thing.

But I'm worried.

Dean too, I think.

And of course that was the perfect time for my little rabbit to get lose and run toward them. I picked her up before she could get too close to them but they noticed.

Sam asked where I got her from and I told them. Dean started yelling and asking if it was in his car this whole time. The look on my face must have gave it away because he knew the answer. He started yelling again while Sam only laughed at him. I joined in laughing too.

I reluctantly let the rabbit go through because I knew Dean wouldn't let up. It's okay though, I think she'll be okay in this little town.

Ha. Alice? A white rabbit?


	61. 60 - Thursday

**Thursday -**

We were investigating a case yesterday, but it turned out to be nothing.

We're now on our way to investigate some missing person case. Sam says that for sure I have to go to school this time. I didn't say anything to that.


	62. 61 - Friday

**Friday -**

I went to school today. It was boring as usual, and I had to read 50 pages. 50 PAGES! Who does that? I hate reading, unless it's my bible. I know I do research alot, but that's only because of the cases. Other than that I find it boring and useless, kind of like me.

Sam and Dean are at a bar, surprise, surprise. They left me all alone in this empty motel room to do my homework. Sam says not to research, to just focus on homework. Of course Dean didn't entirely agree. So now I'm stuck doing both. I hate my brothers.

But really, Dean's right. What is the point of doing homework anyway? We'll have this town in our review mirror soon enough.


	63. 62 - Later

**Later -**

Sam's missing.

We've got to find him.


	64. 63 - Saturday

**Saturday -**

I'm stuck in the motel while Dean looks for our brother. He's saying it's too dangerous for me. He also gave me a gun. For protection he says. Little does he know I already have a few guns hidden away in my "collection."

But a gun? Dean must be scared. My big brother Dean who has faced ghosts, demons, and monsters, afraid?

And now I am too.

I will pray.


	65. 64 - Sunday

**Sunday -**

Sam's fine. He's back and he's going to be okay. I sent thanks to God, and asked for forgiveness that I could not go to church because I needed to be with my brothers.


	66. 65 - Tuesday

**Tuesday -**

I miss dad.

He wasn't always the greatest father, he yelled a lot and I never see him much, but I saw him. He always had an answer. And he protected us.

Will we ever see him again?


	67. 66 - Wednesday

**Wednesday -**

I asked Sam if we would find dad. He said that we'll find him one day. I don't know if I believe him.


	68. 67 - Thursday

**Thursday -**

New case. New school. Chicago.


	69. 68 - Friday

**Friday -**

I like Chicago. It's nice and busy, unlike all those small towns that we usually go to. Chicago has character. Maybe I'll ask if we can stay longer than the case. It would be nice.


	70. 69 - Later

**Later - **

Dean came back, but Sam didn't. He met up with an old friend and is tailing her. Tailing his friend? Dean says he's suspicious, but really he probably just thinks she's hot. Like that means he should stalking her.

Me and Dean are now doing more research on a symbol that they found in the victim's apartment. Dean checked out Sam's "girlfriend" and it seems she was telling the truth. He called Sam and told him. We also found out that the symbol is for a type of demon, and

I hear Sam. He's back.


	71. 70 - Much Later

**Much Later -**

Sam and Dean are gone. They went to Sam's "Girlfriend's," or Meg's for short, abandoned warehouse where she is summoning a demon. First Madison the werewolf, and now Meg the demon. Sam has a lot of bad luck. I'm praying for him and Dean.

I wanted to come with them but they wouldn't let me. Mayb

Someones trying to break in. I grabbed the gun Dean and Sam left me. I also have a small bottle of holy water. I'm ready.


	72. 71 - Saturday

**Saturday -**

I hate Chicago.

It was dad. He was the one trying to break into the motel room. Dean called him and told him to come to Chicago dad told me. Dean filled him in on what's been going on. But I learned this after...

I was holding the gun unsteadily in my hands when he walked in. He wasn't surprised, more like he expected to find me here. The first thing he said was, "where are your brothers?" I told him as I lowered my gun. He didn't look too happy to find out I knew everything but he was more focused on Sam and Dean. He was getting ready to go after them when they returned.

They looked pretty beaten up.

They started talking to dad, ignoring me when these things started to attack. I felt a sharp terrible pain in my side. I fell over as another hit me on the side of my leg. They started attacking dad, Dean, and Sam. I didn't know what to do.


	73. 72 - Later

**Later -**

I had to stop writing. We stopped for food.

After a few minutes Sam lit up these really bright things, flames I think, and then we were all helping eachother get out of there. I wasn't really helping though. Dad was practically carrying me out.

But even though I was scared, I felt good. We were all back together again. A family. But then the yelling started, and the arguing.

Dad was yelling at Sam and Dean about how I found out and how I was in the way and got hurt. Dean was taking it like he always does but Sam started arguing back. I just watched and listened until I couldn't take it anymore.

I got up and limped over to them. I said quietly, "stop." But they didn't. So I yelled. Then I yelled once more and they stopped. I told them that I found out when they were arguing, like right now. I told them I found out the night Sam left. I also told them that I got hurt because I don't have enough experience because they won't let me come with them.

Dad then started talking about the demon and what we're going to do next. By then I had to lean on Dean for support. My side and leg were hurting a lot.

But as they were talking Dean said that we had to split up and that it's too dangerous to be together. Dad agreed of course.

But I just want us to be together, as a family. Sam agrees with me. But dad and Dean's word is final. So we split up.

Why can't we be family? Together? Is that too much to ask for?


	74. 73 - Saturday

**Sunday -**

I managed to go to church today.

I thanked God for the moments, no matter how far and few we got to have as a family. I asked him for strength for me, Dean, Sam, and dad.


	75. 74 - Monday

**Monday -**

Sam and Dean are off on a case. I'm stuck in the motel by myself for only God knows how long. But I can't complain. It was my idea. I convinced them to leave me here for school. I just need some space from them- or Dean. I know it's stupid and he was probably right about us being seperated from dad but I'm angry at him. We could have been a family again. All of us together.

I have to go to school. I'm glad it's almost over.


	76. 75 - Wednesday

**Wednesday -**

I'm getting tired of motel TV and diner food. Sam and Dean always make it less boring.


	77. 76 - Later

**Later -**

Sam and Dean called. They're finishing up the case and going on to another. Sam also lectured me about homework.

I'm going to bed.


	78. 77- Saturday

**Saturday -**

Sam and Dean are on there way to get me. I'm not sure where we're headed but anywhere is better than here.

I am very bored.


	79. 78 - Sunday

**Sunday -**

Dad.

Let me start at the beginning.

When Sam and Dean picked me up they said they found a case to investigate. So we went to the house of the victim. Sam and Dean told me to stay behind in the car. I didn't. I grabbed one of my 45.'s, tucked it away where no one will find it and went in after them. They weren't as mad as I thought they would be.

The house or cabin was trashed. Things were everywhere. We searched through it all and found a letter addressed to, "J.W." John Winchester. Dad. That's when he showed up, when dad came in. I wanted to hug him but we haven't done that in a long time. And as soon as he saw the letter he was all business. We read the letter and found out that the victim, a guy named Elkins had been holding onto a gun for dad. A Colt made in 1835. Must be a beauty.

Dad then questioned us about it and then told us that it was vampires. Vampires. Vampires? Even just thinking about it gives me shivers.

Dad says we have to hunt them together, even me. He says I was right about needing more experience. I will hunt with them. I've never done much of that. I do research, not fighting. Maybe I could go up against a spirit or something. But vampires? I don't think I'm ready for that.

I'm scared. And I'm nervous. And I'm excited. But mostly I'm afraid for dad, and for my brothers. I have God with me. What do they have?

I will pray. I won't stop praying.


	80. 79 - Tuesday

**Tuesday -**

I killed a vampire. It was mostly stupid dumb luck but I killed one and now I can't stop shaking. I'm sitting in a motel bathroom. Dad is sleeping in the other room. Sam and Dean have their own room next door. I can't sleep. Every time I try, I see that vampire and its teeth.


	81. 80 - Later

**Later -**

I chopped it's head off. I used the machete that dad gave me and I killed it. I helped save dad. We also got the colt. That gun that can kill anything. I saw it do that. I saw it kill a vampire with one shot. My heart was racing then and it still is just thinking about it.

Sam, Dean and I ran in there with weapons ready and we fought. We saved dad. He wanted to do this alone but we knew we couldn't let him. Sam and Dean wanted me to stay behind but we're a family. I made sure they took me.

That vampire looked so human but as soon as she bared her teeth I knew she was far from it. She ran after me but she tripped and that's when I did it. That's when I killed her.

I felt so exhilarated and scared at the same time. I've never felt anything like it. My heart was beating so fast I thought I might die because it was too fast.

All the other vampires that they- we didn't kill ran away. We got out safe.


	82. 81 - Much Later

**Much Later -**

Dad says that now we have the colt we'll hunt down the S.O.B., the demon that killed Mary and my mom and Sam's girlfriend together. As a family.

And that gun is a real beauty.

But I can't stop seeing that vampire. I feel guilty. She used to be somebody. She was a person.

I am praying for her soul and the other's.

I'm really scared. But with our family together I think we'll be okay.


	83. 82 - Early Morning

**Early Morning -**

I pray to God for strength and courage. I don't know if I'll make it through this. How can I go up against a demon? That powerful? I'll pray for all of us.

Dad's going to tell us all of his research he's gathered since Mary's death. He couldn't find this SOB and kill it himself, but maybe together we can.

I just hope I can do this. I hope I can. I'm really scared.

Maybe I'll read a few passages from my bible.


	84. 83 - Wednesday

**Wednesday -**

I'm Sitting in the car with Sam and Dean. We're watching over a family that dad thinks the demon will attack. He said that there are telltale signs that point to this family. That's why we are down here. But things turned to an unexpected route.

Dad isn't with us. He's going up against Meg, "Sam's girlfriend," or demon, and maybe even **the** demon. Meg killed dad's friend and then another. She says she wants the gun, the Colt. Dad decided to give her a fake gun. Dean begged him not to throw his life away but he didn't listen. He just left. What is dad thinking? We need him. What if w


	85. 84 - Later

**Later -**

What are we going to do?

Sam and rushed into the house as it started to burn or maybe that was the demon? I tried to go in after them but I was stuck. I was frozen. I couldn't move. I've already killed a vampire, why couldn't I go in and help save a mother and her child?

They are okay, all of them, but dad... When we got back to the motel Sam and Dean started arguing. Sam wanted to go back in there and finish this but Dean and would never let him, me too if I wasn't so stuck. Sam ended up slamming Dean into the wall. I had to stop them. I wasn't going to go hide in the bathroom like I always do. We need to find dad. So I pushed them aoart and told them to stop and that this isn't going to help find dad or kill the demon ot meg for that matter.

Dean then called dad but he didn't pick up, Meg did and told him that we would never see dad again.

What are we going to do?


	86. 85 - Much Later

**Much Later -**

Dean called dad's phone again and Meg answered again. She said dad is beyond help.

We need help.

We're going to Bobby's.


	87. 86 - Thursday

**Thursday -**

Bobby has about a million books. We read a lot while we were there and we got a surprise guest. Meg. She came bursting in but good thing Bobby had- well let's just call it a devil's trap painted on the ceiling. It kept her stuck there.

Sam exorcised it while Dean asked where dad is. I stayed far away. Bobby sat with me and asked how I was dealing with all of this. I told him about the vampire I killed and how I felt sorry for the person she was. Bobby says I probably saved a lot more innocent lives and that vampire is where she is supposed to be. I don't think I could tell anyone but Bobby about that.

The girl that the demon possessed didn't make it. But I think Dean may have saved her soul.

I'll pray for her and dad.

We're on our way now to where the demon said dad's at. I pray we're not too late.


	88. 87 - Later

**Later -**

We're at a cabin somewhere in the woods. Sam and Dean are demon proofing it. We got dad back. He's going to be okay, I think. I pray for thanks and I pray for the souls that the demon's have possessed.

I have to go. I have to go and help.


	89. 88 - Much Later

**Much Later -**

We're in the car. All of us. Dean is hurt badly. I have a few bruises but I'll be fine. I'm just worried about Dean.

Dad was possessed by **the** demon or the yellow eyed demon- that's Dean's nickname for it anyway because it's eyes are yellow and not the usual black. That means its worse, right?

They won't stop arguing.

I don't know what I should be praying to God for. Maybe just know that—-


	90. 89 - Kenna

_Kenna._

_I found this book with Kenna's things. It's her journal. She would write in this all the time, and if I or Dean asked her about it, she would only stick out her tongue at us._

_Dean._

_I don't know why I'm writing in here._

_She's_


	91. 90 - It Was Fast

_It was fast. She didn't feel anything._

_Did Dean?_

_Will he get better? Will he be okay?_

_Kenna. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, Kenna._


	92. 91 - Kenna's Birthday Is Sunday

_Kenna's birthday is Sunday. She would have been fourteen. She would be going into the ninth grade. High school. She would_


	93. 92 - Why?

_Kenna._

_Why?_

_I'm going to kill that demon Kenna, one day, I will. I'm going to kill it for all of us._


	94. 93 - ?

**?**


	95. 94 - Monday

**Monday - **

Dean's fixing the impala. Sam's trying to keep it together as he drinks beers with Bobby. I haven't cried. Not once.

I'm fourteen.

And I died.


	96. 95 - Tuesday

**Tuesday -**

Dean's letting me help fix the impala. It will go faster with the two of us. I don't know what Sam is doing. Bobby is helping us find parts.


	97. 96 - Wednesday

**Wednesday -**

Sam and Dean are off on a case I think. I'm fixing the impala. Bobby is helping me.


	98. 97 - Thursday

**Thursday -**

Almost done.

I'm working day and night.

Almost done.


	99. 98 - Saturday

**Saturday - **

When Dean saw the car fixed, something snapped inside of him I think. He grabbed a sledge hammer and wouldn't stop hitting it. Over and over.

I could only watch as everything in me crumbled down. I'm not sure if I cried. But something snapped inside me too.


	100. 99 - Sunday

**Sunday -**

Dad's gone. I mean really gone. All those hours on the road searching for him I always thought we'd find him. And we did.

I thought we would be a family again.

It's just me, Dean, and Sam. Dad's ju


	101. 100 - Later

**Later -**

I don't want to talk about dad.

I like staying at Bobby's. It's nice. It's calm. It's peaceful. He said we could stay here as long as we want. I might take him up on that offer. Dean probably wants to leave soon. Get back on the road and hunt. I don't know what Sam wants.


	102. 101 - Wednesday

**Wednesday -**

Bobby has given me the task of helping him fix up a few cars. He's teaching me about all the different parts. While we were working I asked him about school. I'm not sure why I asked him but I did. He said that he can talk to a friend of his in the school board and see if I could pass or not. I don't know how he has a friend in the school board but I didn't ask.


	103. 102 - Later

**Later -**

Bobby was talking to Sam and Dean while I was supposed to be sleeping. He told them that maybe I should live with him for awhile. Stay for the summer and finish grade 9.

I thought they'd argue about it but Sam and Dean seemed to think it was a good idea. I could have gone down there and said it was a crazy idea. But I think maybe I want to.


	104. 103 - Thursday

**Thursday -**

I've been doing some thinking. Dad would want me to hunt, to go with my brothers and maybe try to get the demon- the yellow eyed demon and kill it. But we don't have the Colt. And dad's not here. We are all that is left. I csn't abandon my brothers. But maybe it's better if I stay behind. I can't do much. Research maybe. But killing monsters? I don't know. I killed that vampire but only with dumb luck. And I nearly died twice. And I was so scared and nervous I could barely stand up straight when I faced it and all the others. Maybe I'm doing them a favor by not going. I'd only slow them down.


	105. 104 - Friday

**Friday -**

Sam came to talk to me about staying at Bobby's for awhile longer while he and Dean go out hunting. I said I would think about it. And I am.


	106. 105 - Saturday

**Saturday -**

Sam and Dean wanted to leave today but I asked them if they could wait until Monday or Sunday. They said they would. I'm glad. I really want to go to church Sunday. I'll have to make up an excuse or sneak out but it will be worth it.

I need to be with God. I need to feel him with me because lately I haven't. It feels almost like he's abandoned me but I think it's the other way around.

I haven't been the same since dad or... When whatever happened to me. I know that now. I can feel it.

Something happened to me. And dad...

I better go. Bobby's calling us for dinner. Canned soup again, Yum. Maybe I'll cook something tomorrow. I still remember a few recipes mom taught me. I also have copies of them in case I have forgot something.


	107. 106 - Sunday

**Sunday -**

Everything went dark. I felt myself slam into something and then I was gone. After that I felt peaceful I think, happy maybe even- Like I was home. But it didn't last long.

Everything came rushing back. I opened my eyes to darkness. But in that darkness I saw yellow eyes. I got so scared. My throat closed up and I couldn't breathe. But then it all disappeared and dad was there in front of me. He was talking but I couldn't hear him at first. He went out of my eye sight. All I could see was the ceiling and I what I felt was cold underneath me. I sat up.

A sheet was laying on me. I was cloth less, like the day I was born. Dad appeared again and this time I could hear him. He said that I had to get dressed. He handed me clothes. And then he hugged me tightly. I don't remember the last time he did that.

He went out of the room giving me privacy. I changed in a daze. I was confused, I remember that. When I was done I looked around. I was in a morgue. That thought somehow got pushed to the back of my head as dad returned and guided me out.

He kept his arm around my shoulder as we walked down the halls of a hospital. As we walked I realized that these weren't my clothes. We stopped.

Dad guided me to a room. Dean was there. He looked- I'm not sure what. Dad stepped away from me as soon as his eyes set on Dean. Dad spoke to him. He then whispered something in his ear. Sam came in then.

He looked like he'd seen a ghost when his eyes landed on Dean, then me and finally on dad with anger.

They argued them.

Sam left to get coffee for dad.

But he- dad- he feel. Doctors came in and nurses came it too.

I remember that I backed into a wall and slid down. I think I was crying. Dean was looking at me with an expression I didn't understand.

I was dead.

Dad is dead.

Was it my fault? Did he die for me? To save me?

But Dean was dying Sam told me. So did dad die for him? To save him? To save us both?

But why?

Why me?

Maybe Dean? But me?

Why?


	108. 107 - Later

**Later -**

I'm going with Sam and Dean. We're leaving tomorrow first thing.


	109. 108 - Monday

**Monday -**

I got about two-three hours of sleep last night. I woke up at 3:27am. The nightmare that woke me remained. I couldn't fall back asleep. All I could see were those yellow eyes. And all I could feel is the coldness of the morgue.

Sam and Dean should be up soon. We'll leave soon after. They've already got a new case.


	110. 109 - Later

**Later - **

Murders and cattle mutilations. That's what has brought us here. I've done some research but it looks like vampires. I told Sam and Dean what I thought. They said it's possible. They're on their way to the morgue. They asked if I wanted to come. I said no. I can't go back there. I can't

The phones ringing.


	111. 110 - Much Later

**Much Later -**

Sam called. He and Dean ran into another hunter. His name is Gordon Walker. Sam says he's a vampire hunter. And that yes it is vampires. I was right. But a hunter that only kills vampires? I never knew that existed. Not until until now at least.


	112. 111 - Tuesday

**Tuesday -**

I guess there's more than just vampire hunters, there are good vampires. Good monsters?

The people who were murdered were vampires that Gordon Walker killed and they were harmless. They don't kill people. That's what the cow mutilations were.

I didn't believe it at first. I didn't believe Sam when he told me and Dean. But when I saw it- when I saw that vampire resist blood- human blood I knew.

Dad always said that monsters were evil but he was wrong. That vampire's soul was not lost. It was still there.

God has never left us.

He is here. I know it.


	113. 112 - Thursday

**Thursday -**

I'm sitting in the motel bathroom writing. It's around 4am. And I can't sleep. I woke up crying. But what I dreamed wasn't a nightmare. It was a memory I think.

I was young, very young. I was sitting on the ground when dad came home. Sam and Dean rushed to him and gave him a hug. Mom was behind me. She told me to wave at him- at dad and I did as she did.

Sam and Dean let go of dad but dad didn't walk towards us. He was smiling and watching like he couldn't believe what he saw.

I wanted to see him to hug him. I got up and took small slow steps toward him. Mom I think sounded surprised behind me. Dad's smile became bigger as mom said, 'her first steps.'

Sam and Dean smiled too.

I woke up then. My face was wet with tears. I didn't want the dream to end but it did.

Mom. Dad.


	114. 113 - Friday

**Friday -**

New case. We're on the road again. I didn't sleep well last night. All I could see were those yellow eyes. And then I wake up in a morgue. It's cold and I'm alone- naked- bare- exposed. I yell for dad but he's not here. I yell for Sam and Dean but all I hear is their laughter. All I see are those yellow eyes.


	115. 114 - Later

**Later -**

I think it's a zombie. I know it sounds insane but that's what it looks like. First two morgues were broken into and then four bodies were found mutilated or in other words someone was eating them. I feel sick thinking about it. The photos are even worse. Afterwards body parts from at least three to five victims were found scattered everywhere. Their flesh nearly gone, everything almost gone except for the bones. Whatever it is it's escalating quickly.

Sam and Dean are doing more research to what it is while I try not to vomit again.


	116. 115 - Saturday

**Saturday -**

It's looking more like a ghoul then a zombie. I think Dean was more than a little disappointed.


	117. 116 - Later

**Later -**

It wasn't a typical ghoul but Sam and Dean killed it.

We're hitting the road soon. Sam keeps nagging Dean about visiting Mary's gravesite. I think Sam misses her. Her and dad. Sam told me once that he thought of my mom as his mom. He also said that Mary was his first mom and that means a lot. I was upset at hearing that at first. But now I think I understand.

If my mom was buried or had a gravesite I would visit her any chance I got. But she doesn't. Dad had what remained of her from the fire cremated and sent her ashes into with the wind. He told me that's what she would have wanted, I only nodded my head. I was too young to understand exactly what he meant.


	118. 117 - Sunday

**Sunday -**

We drove through the night- well Sam and Dean did taking turns. Sam says we're about 20 minutes away from Mary's gravesite. I'm not sure what he's going to do. I'm not sure what anyone does at gravesites. The only one I ever went to was when I was five and my grandfather passed away- mom's dad. I never met him but my mom was sad when he died I think, but also relieved. She seemed freer.

I better go. We're almost there.


	119. 118 - Later

**Later -**

When we were at the cemetery Dean noticed that everything around one of the graves was dead. Sam doesn't believe him but I do. With some coaxing he agreed to investigate. They talked to the her (the one in the grave's) father but came up empty handed. They argued. Dean left to talk to her roommate. I said I would do research. Sam is still skeptical. He thinks that his is because Dean isn't accepting that dad is gone. I think it's a load of crap but I didn't say anything. More.

Sam is pouting as he watches TV and eats the food he picked up for himself. I'm finish my orange juice as I wait for the cross engine search to be done. It usually takes a few minutes.

It's done.


	120. 119 - Monday

**Monday -**

Yesterday Dean found the girl's, Angela's diary. Inside she talked about a friend named Neil. Sam and Dean visited him while I waited in the car again. They found out that her boyfriend was having an affair. Angela found out the night she died. We went to her grave afterwards. I helped dig it up. The first grave I've ever dug up and it is much harder than I thought it would be.

What we found was not Angela. She wasn't there in her grave. I was so nervous to see a recently dug up corpse that when nothing was there I was very relived. But now we know that it is defiantly not a spirit.

In the grave were Greek symbols. And her father is a classics professor. So Sam and Dean went to talk to him but nothing. Sam said Dean was too aggressive but Dean is denying it. Maybe Sam is right, maybe Dean isn't handling it so well. But at least he's asleep and at least it wasn't his fault.


	121. 120 - Later

**Later -**

It was Neil, her friend. He raised her as a zombie! I never saw her but Sam and Dean did. Sam says she wasn't a real zombie but something like it. Dean staked her in her grave with a silver. She's dead now. She can't hurt anyone anymore.

We're on the road now. I think I'll rest for a little while. I'm pretty tired.


	122. 121 - Tuesday

**Tuesday -**

I fell asleep in the car as Dean drove. But those yellow eyes haunted me. They wouldn't leave my mind. Dad dead. That was all I saw. I woke up hurting. But the car wasn't moving and Sam and Dean weren't there. I looked around and found that they were outside talking. They were faced away from me as I got out quietly.

Dean was apologizing. He was saying it was his fault. That dad died because of him. He traded in the Colt and his life for his and mine. I couldn't stop the words that flew from my mouth, 'you weren't the one dead.' He and Sam turned around in shock and surprise. I then said to them, 'I was dead, wasn't I? I know I was. You wrote in my journal Sam.' Sam looked sad as told me, 'You were. And Dean was dying.'

'It's my fault.' I told Dean. 'If I hadn't been here dad would still be alive and you would have the Colt. It's my fault.'

'No it's not.' Sam argued. 'It's neither of yours. Dad made a choice. It's none of your faults that he died.'

I don't believe Sam. I don't think Dean does either. But we both shut up and got back in the car.


	123. 122 - Friday

**Friday -**

I woke up sweating. More nightmares that won't go away. Those yellow eye won't stop haunting me. Neither will the cold steel table I woke up on. My naked back making it even colder. I wake up alone.


	124. 123 - Saturday

**Saturday -**

Sam had another vision. It was of another man committing suicide. We're heading to an old friend's of dad's Dean says. He also says that they called dad while back when Dean and I were working on the impala. It's a woman named Ellen, her daughter Jo and some guy named Ash. Dean says that Ash can help. I pray he can.

But what are causing these visions? So far it has been because of people like Sam. People with powers. Is this the demon? Why would he want people with powers? And if it was him, how? And why did my mom have to die? Why did she have to go? She has no part in this. Why? Why? Why?

God are you there? Please help me figure this out. Let Sam be okay. We need him.


	125. 124 - Later

**Later -**

I like Ellen. She seems kind but also a little bit of a hardass. I like that about her. Jo seems okay too. I think Dean has a crush on her. Ellen and Jo both run a bar called the Roadhouse.

Ellen made me feel at home like Bobby. She also gave me her phone number in case I needed anything.

With the guy Ash we now know where the guy Sam saw is supposed to die. We also know that there is a guy there named Andy whose mother died in a fire when he was six months old, just like Sam. And they're even about the same age.

We know why Max did what he did, but why is Andy?


	126. 125 - Sunday

**Sunday -**

Sam would never kill anyone. He isn't going to become a killer. I know him. Dean knows him. He would never harm an innocent. So why does it seem like this is what will happen to him?

Andy was kind. Andy wasn't a killer. But in the end he was.

Is that what will happen to Sam?

I'm scared. For him. For Dean. For me. For all of us. I am so scared.

I will pray long and hard tonight.


	127. 126 - Monday

**Monday -**

Andy wasn't the one making people commit suicide. It was his twin brother. Andy saved Sam, Dean, and me. He killed him. He killed his twin. He killed his brother.

Sam is okay I think. He and Dean finally told Ellen what has been going on. They must trust her a lot. I can't blame them, I trust her already too.

We found out that Andy's twin's 'mother' never died in a fire. Which means that not all the kids have mothers who died when they were young, This isn't good. It is very bad. Because now we can't track them. They could be anywhere and that's a scary thought because most of them seem to be killers.

I'm praying for Sam. I'm praying for them all.


	128. 127 - Later

**Later -**

Ellen offered to let me stay with her while Sam and Dean go out on another case. I think she thinks I'm too young, but I'm not. I've been doing this for awhile now- mostly research but hunting too. I said yes though. I could use a break and I like Ellen. She even said I could help out at the Roadhouse which I found out mostly caters to hunters. I really like it here. Maybe Sam and Dean will be awhile. They were very much okay with me staying behind too. They don't like me hunting (or helping) either.


	129. 128 - Wednesday

**Wednesday -**

It's impossible to think that dad would do such a thing. He wouldn't hurt anyone. He saved people, he didn't get them killed. But why would Jo lie? Why would Ellen? They say dad got Jo's father, Ellen's husband killed. But he wouldn't that on purpose, would he? Did any of us really know our dad? Because I'm starting to think we didn't.

I will pray for strength and guidance. I will also thank God for bringing my brother's and Jo back alive. I'm told it was a close call.


	130. 129 - Friday

**Friday -**

New case. We're on our way there now. Only this time I'm the one who spot it in the newspaper. I'm excited. It's almost like my own case.


	131. 130 - Later

**Later -**

I'm sitting in the motel bathroom again trying not to wake Sam or Dean. I don't think they heard me. I hope not.

I can't sleep. Too many bad dreams. I don't want to write about that though. I've been looking through this- my journal and I can hardly believe I'm alread half way through it. It's been almost a year. Almost a year since Sam has been with us. And things have changed a lot.

Dad's gone.

It's been two months; since he's been gone; since I was gone- dead. They say it get's easier in time. I think they're wrong.

Every night I can still see those yellow eyes. Every night I feel the coldness of the table, the nakedness, the exposed. Every night dad hugs me, tells me to get dressed and to follow him. Every time I watch him - leave. Every night. Sam spills the coffee. Dad has fallen. Sam is running. Dean... Dean only watches. I can't do anything. I can't do anything.

Nothing.

I only stand. I only fall. I only cry. I only died.

And so did dad.


	132. 131 - Wednesday

**Wednesday -**

I was arrested. Arrested! I'm fourteen and I was arrested for interfering in a criminal investigation and for accessory to murder. Murder!

It was all because of this case we were working. But I did nothing. I stayed in the motel and did research. Dean was arrested first when he was literally caught red handed. Dean, he needs to be more careful. He went over to the murder victim's wife's- Karen's house to talk to her again but found her dead. Apparently she called 911. That's why the police were there.

The police somehow found where Sam and I were and arrested us. I'm a minor so I got a social worker to, 'look after me.' I was too shy to say otherwise.

A detective came in and talked ti me. She seemed nice but I didn't trust her. Dad said to never trust anyone especially the police. He said they don't understand- that I can only count on my brothers and him, on family. He's right- I know- but... It doesn't matter.

I finally said that I wouldn't say anything until I saw my brothers. They said no. But after our lawyer showed up I was able to see Sam as long as the social worker was there. I wasn't aloud to see Dean. Too dangerous they said. I could have laughed. Dean would never hurt me or Sam.

Me and Sam escaped though with a little help from Dean. We then went to figure out what was going on. Detective Ballard showed up and tol us Dean sent her. She saw it. She saw the ghost.

Long story short, the ghost was something called a death omen. She was warning us. The real murderer was human. Human and a detective. Ballard let us go in the end, but a detective that is a murderer? It makes my blood run cold.

I'll pray for Ballard and the ghost who was warning us. I don't know if I can pray for the one who killed those people. But we're wanted fugitives now. What could go wrong?

I think I'll pray more.


	133. 132 - Thursday

**Thursday -**

We've stopped at a diner oof the side of the road. Dean;s scarfing don two double bacon cheeseburgers while Sam eats his salad with mild disgust at our brother. Dean acts like he doesn't know where the disgust comes from. I only smile.

I'm eating fries and gravy with orange juice to drink. We have decided to get as far away from Baltimore as we can. None of us wants to get arrested again.


	134. 133 - Sunday

**Sunday -**

I'm not able to go to church today. I'll pray more. So far we haven't been noticed or arrested. I don't like this. Being a fugitive. Breaking laws? I know we're doing good, but still... I need to go to confession.


	135. 134 - Tuesday

**Tuesday -**

I'm so tired. I haven't slept at all in so long. I just want to sleep without those yellow eyes watching me- without the coldness of that table- without watching dad... Over and over.


	136. 135 - Saturday

**Saturday -**

Dad made a deal with **the** demon- the yellow eyed demon. His life and the Colt for me and Dean to live. There's no denying it now. He made a deal.

Dean doesn't think he deserved it; I heard him say that. But he does deserve it. The world's a better place with my older brother Dean here. If anyone didn't deserve it, it would be me. Dean saves lives. I do research.

If anyone ever asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up I would say, 'Easy. I want to be just like my big brothers Sam and Dean.' Because they save lives. Hey do so much good. There's no others I would want to be like.

And for once I'm happy that dad took that deal, not for me but for Dean/ I can't imagine life without him or Sam leaning over my shoulder. They can be over bearing but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Is that a bad thing? To be glad that dad's gone so that Dean is here? I will pray for more guidance, for more strength, and clarity. For dad. For his soul. And thanks.


	137. 136 - Sunday

**Sunday -**

I went to church while Sam and Dean were working on a case. I told them I was going to find a rare book on local legends. I know I shouldn't lie but I can't bring myself to tell them where I try to go every Sunday. I ask God for forgiveness every time I go.

I went to confessional. But mom always taught me what happens in confessional stays there. I think that includes writing about it. I will keep it between me, the father, and God.

Sam and Dean seemed a little suspicious but I don't think they'll take it any further.


	138. 137 - Wednesday

**Wednesday -**

We've finished the case. It was a team of spirits. I don't think we have ever seen that before. They worked together to kill people. The weird thing is that they had no connection to one another when they were alive.


	139. 138 - Thursday

**Thursday -**

Mom died eight years ago today. I cried. I miss her. Seh had so much kindness and love in her heart for me- for us- for dad, and for God. Her leaving left a whole in me. I can still smell her. She smelled of vanilla and cinnamon. I can see her smiling down at me. She's with God now. At rest. At peace. I know she's happy.


	140. 139 - Friday

**Friday -**

We thought we had a case but it turned out to be nothing. We're on the road again. Dean says we'll stop for gas and snacks soon. I'm glad. I haven't eat anything since morning- nearly ten hours ago. I guess I got sidetracked.


	141. 140 - Saturday

**Saturday -**

Sam had another vision only this time it was of Dean killing someone. We're headed to where Sam saw it happen. But it must have been a misunderstanding. It must have been some kind of monster that Dean killed. I'm not even sure why we're going. We should stay away. But they say that we have to. I hope they're right.

I'll pray for us. I'll pray for Dean.


	142. 141 - Monday

**Monday - **

Croatoan. It was carved into a lamp post in the near deserted town where Sam's vision takes place. It's a disease- Some kind of demon virus. It turns people crazy. I was so scared. And then Sam- He got infected. Blood to blood. I immediately started to pray in my head. The other people we were with said that he had to die. Me and Dean were in a silent agreement then. No one is killing our brother.

He didn't change thank God. I was so relieved and so scared. I kept my gun in my hands the entire time. I was shaking. No one noticed. They were all too busy. But I couldn't keep still. I paced and paced. But we made it out. I'm still jumping at every noise. We're okay though, we're all okay.


	143. 142 - Later

**Later -**

We're not okay. Nothing is okay.


	144. 143 - Tuesday

**Tuesday -**

Me and Dean are trying to find Sam. He ran off. Dean told him... When dad guided me to Dean's room he told him some things. He whispered others. He told Dean that he might have to kill Sam.

Why would dad say that? How could he?

Sam took off then. We're trying to find him. Dean called Ellen. We're heading to where she said he would be.

I'm sitting in the passenger seat. I don;t like the passenger seat. It's Sam's seat.

I'll pray for him to be okay.


	145. 144 - Thursday

**Thursday -**

We found Sam but we also found someone else. Gordon Walker. The vampire hunter. He's been hunting Sam. Dean told me to wait in the car as he went to take down Gordon alone. I didn't listen.

I took my gun and snuck up on the roof where Gordon had a gun pointed at my brother's back. I watched as he and Dean fought. But Gordon got the upper hand and knocked Dean out. I walked up then with my gun pointed at Gordon's head. I managed to steady my arm as I also steadied my voice and told Gordon to let him go. Despite my efforts my voice shook. I was scared. And he laughed.

I shot him. In the leg. I went up to them to try and get Dean but I moved too soon. I hadn't wounded him bad enough. He ended up lmocking me out too. I don't know if he had a soft spot or all he needed was Dean but he left me there.

Sam found me awhile later but I was still knocked out. He took me to a hospital and then went to find Dean. The person he was with, Ava warned him. She stayed with me at the hospital while I was unconscious.

When I woke sometime later she was gone. Dean and Sam were there. They said I suffered a concussion. They also told me what happened while I was out. They told me about Ava and how she was supposed to stay with me. How she's gone- missing and her fiancee is dead.

My head hurts. I'm not supposed to be writing or doing anything for awhile. Sam and Dean think I'm taking a shower. I better go.


	146. 145 - Friday

**Friday -**

Sam's noticed I haven't been sleeping well. He pointed out the increasingly obvious black circles under my eyes. I managed to convince him and Dean that it's because of me getting knocked out my Gordon. They won't buy it forever though. Maybe I should tell them. No. I'll go to the store and buy heavier makeup to cover it up.

If I tell them they will think I can't handle the job and that I need to be sent to Bobby's. It will distract them from their cases too. They can't know even if it means I have to lie for that to happen.

I'll ask god for forgiveness.


	147. 146 - Sunday

**Sunday -**

We've found a new case. It's looking like a werewolf. The lunar cycle matches up with the three deaths perfectly. We'll know more after more research and investigation.


	148. 147 - Tuesday

**Tuesday -**

Werewolf is dead. Sam killed it. We're on our way someplace knew now. Sam says that school is starting soon and I need to get, 'enrolled in one.' He's also convinced Dean that we should stay in one place for a month so that I can go to school more regularly. A month! Sam and Dean can go out on cases while I stay in the motel.

Great idea Sam but you've had this one before and it didn't work out so great.

I really don't want to go to school. I can do more good helping my brothers hunt. Plus I've already made it through eight grades, what's another four? I'm a hunter. Or at least one day I really will be one. But I don't argue with Sam. He's had it pretty rough lately. With all these visions, Croatoan, and then there was Ava. I think he kind of liked her.


	149. 148 - Wednesday

**Wednesday -**

I start school tomorrow.


	150. 149 - Thursday

**Thursday -**

School isn't as bad as I thought it would be but I'd still rather being doing research- hunting. I met a girl named Naomi. She seems nice. I think we could be friends. She's not as shy as I am but that's okay. We get along. And she likes all he teachers I do and hates the ones I do too. She's new like me. I think I found a friend.


	151. 150 - Sunday

**Sunday -**

I went to church. I did my homework. I talked with Naomi about cute boys and how homework is such a drag. I lived a normal life today. And I kind of liked it.


	152. 151 - Thursday

**Thursday -**

I'm going over to Naomi's to work on a group project. Brandon and Noel are meeting us (the other group members). So far things are pretty good. I have people to talk to. I don't have to write everything down. I've got friends. I've got more than just nightmares and monsters- more than disappointments and death. I'm really content.


	153. 152 - Sunday

**Sunday -**

Church again. You don't get to do that when your always on the road. Sam and Dean are off on a case. It's just me.


	154. 153 - Monday

**Monday -**

Naomi isn't doing so well. She looks like she hasn't slept in forever. I was too shy to ask what was wrong. But I have to. She's my friend. I'll ask her tomorrow at school.


	155. 154 - Tuesday

**Tuesday -**

Naomi says she's fine and that nothings wrong. I don't believe her. I'll have to start digging.

Sam called. He and Dean will be a few more days. Big vampires nest.


	156. 155 - Wednesday

**Wednesday -**

Naomi still won't say anything. I'll keep trying. I'm praying for help, for guidance, and for God to watch over Naomi.


	157. 156 - Friday

**Friday -**

She finally told me what's been going on and it's not good. Things have been happening she says, noises in the night. She says they've escalated. Sunday night – early Monday morning something attacked her little sister. She and her family are really scared she says. I told her that I'll help her, that me and my family are experts on this kind of stuff. I also told her that they need to get out of that house. She says that her mom said no but that she is willing to let me help. Why she won't leave I don't know.

I've tried calling Sam and Dean but no answer. Bobby's phone keeps ringing out. I thought about calling Ellen but she would probably make sure I didn't go and try to help. To wait for Sam and Dean. But by then it could be too late.

I've done some research and it looks like a poltergeist. An old woman died in her house in 1949. She killed her nine daughters and then herself after she found out her husband died. Ever since then mother's and daughters go missing in that house all the time. The spirit waits four weeks after they've moved in before attacking. And I've checked. Naomi and her family moved in four weeks ago tonight at midnight.

I can't wait for Sam and Dean or Bobby. I've got to do this even if I'm all alone. The body of the mother and her nine daughters disappeared after the police officers working the case in 1949 went out for a smoke. They were gone only five minutes. The bodies must still be in the house somewhere. I have to find them, salt them and burn them. This could be Naomi's only chance.

I'm so scared. I won't stop praying tonight.


	158. 157 - Sunday

**Sunday - **

It was so stupid to think that I could take this on myself.

I found the bodies. All of the bodies. I was about to salt and burn them when she showed up, the spirit. She grabbed hold of Naomi's little sister as one of the daughters grabbed Naomi. She told me not to let the match fall and that if I did she would kill them both.

That's when Sam and Dean showed up. They shot the two spirits giving me time to drop the matches and light up the bodies.

Naomi's sister was fine but Naomi got pushed into the fire. I ran up and got her out in time but not with out getting hurt. My arms were on fire. Dean ran up and put it out before it could get worse. I was lucky the doctor's say. My jacket was just thick enough for the flames not to be too bad. It also wasn't a bad think that Dean ran up and put it out right away.

I have to wear bandages for a couple weeks and my arms hurt a lot but I should be okay. The doctor gave me a lot of pain killers. The doctor also told me that the scars will be hardly noticeable unless your looking for them.

I am very relieved. I was so afraid. I've never felt that kind of fear before. I was all alone, hurt on fire and there was nothing I could do. No one to help me. I've never smelt anything so bad, except maybe Dean and Sam when they haven't had a shower for awhile.

I'll be okay. I have to be. But praying for strength and t heal won't hurt. I'll pray for Naomi too- her and her family. I pray that they will be okay.


	159. 158 - Thursday

**Thursday -**

Writing irritates my arms. I try not to do it too much. I could do it before but only because I had taken many pain killers.


	160. 159 - Wednesday

**Wednesday -**

New case at an inn called pier port. The owner's are selling it soon but guests are welcome for now. That's where we're staying.

My arms are feeling better.


	161. 160 - Saturday

**Saturday -**

The daughter of the owner had an imaginary friend who we found out is a spirit. It almost killed the daughter. Sam saved her. They're going to be okay.


	162. 161 - Tuesday

**Tuesday -**

My arms are much better. I can take the bandages off soon.


	163. 162 - Friday

**Friday -**

My bandages are off. There are only a couple of pink scars. The doctor said they will fade in time. They're still a little sore but it will go away soon.


	164. 163 - Monday

**Monday -**

We're on a new case. Bobby gave it to us since we were the closest. I'm at a diner down the road from the motel. Sam and Dean already ate but I haven't since I was sleeping when they stopped. So here I am at a diner eating.

Sam and Dean wanted to come but I persuaded them not to. They can be over-bearing and there's only so much time and space you can take with your two older brothers.

My arms are almost completely healed. Naomi hadn't called or emailed me. I don't think she wants to talk to me anymore. But I want to talk to her. I want to tell her about the new bands I found that have good music and how Sam and Dean are smothering me. I want to hear her complain about her mother and her annoying little sister and how lucky I am that I don't have one. I want my friend back.

My food's here. I better eat.


	165. 164 - Saturday

**Saturday -**

We've finished the case and are already on our way to the next one. It's in Wisconsin. There's been a pattern of people stealing from their work and then committing suicide. These people don't have much in common except that they all work at banks or jewelry stores, anything with lot's of money. We'll know more later.


	166. 165 - Later

**Later -**

It looks like a shapeshifter. We're pinpointing where it's next target will be by using the city's sewer system. We're pretty sure the shapeshifter is living down there.


	167. 166 - Sunday

**Sunday -**

I had to get out of the motel fast. I managed to grab my bag and some weapons that Sam and Dean left behind. The police were checking every room in every motel looking for me. But they weren't just the cops, they were FBI.

On the news it says that a bank is being held up by Sam and Dean Winchester. They were only supposed to look at the footage and find the shapeshifter, not hold up the bank. What were they thinking?

I better go. I shouldn't stay in one place too long.


	168. 167 - Monday

**Monday -**

Sam and Dean didn't originally start holding up the bank. It was the guy Ron, the one that had all that research that led us to the conclusion that it was a shapeshifter. The cops shot him. Sam and Dean took over then. They killed it eventually. But they almost didn't make it out of there. But they did using SWAT uniforms as a disguise. I have to admit that it's kind of genius. Although I'll never admit that to Dean since he came up with the idea.

I'm praying for Ron. And I'm giving thanks to God that Sam and Dean made it out okay


	169. 168 - Tuesday

**Tuesday -**

Dean won't stop complaining about his favorite shirt that was left behind in the motel. Sam keeps telling him that it's not like we can go back. I tell him that he can buy a new one. He only glares at me and Sam.


	170. 169 - Wednesday

**Wednesday -**

We're staying low and getting as far from Wisconsin as we can.


	171. 170 - Saturday

**Saturday -**

Angels? God? Could this really be God's work? They were bad people but did God command them to die? Or was it something else? Something unholy?

Sam thinks it's God. He says he prays often. Just like me. I wanted to tell him that I do to but Dean, he was so shocked. I kept my mouth closed.

Dean thinks it's the spirit of a priest who died not too long ago.

I guess we'll see who's right.

I don't know what to believe.


	172. 171 - Sunday

**Sunday -**

It was just a spirit. A vengeful spirit. But Dean- he confessed that the man who died- not the priest but someone the priest commanded Sam to kill who died (not by Sam) – died, well Dean says that it looked like it was the hand of God.

Dean isn't sure of God but now I think he is. I believe him. I believe that what he saw was the hand of God. He must have been sending a sign.

I'll pray.


	173. 172 - Wednesday

**Wednesday -**

Sam is gone. We can't find him. Where has he gone? Me and Dean are looking and looking for him- for any clues to where he went. This isn't the first time he's taken off but he usually tells us. I'm worried. I'm scared.

I will pray for his safe return.


	174. 173 - Thursday

**Thursday -**

We still haven't found him.

I refuse to sit in the passenger seat.


	175. 174 - Saturday

**Saturday - **

Where could he have gone?

And why?


	176. 175 - Monday

**Monday -**

Still no luck.


	177. 176 - Tuesday

**Tuesday -**

Nothing from Bobby or the roadhouse.

I'm so scared.

I haven't stopped praying.


	178. 177 - Thursday

**Thursday -**

Dean got a call from Sam. We're on our way there now.

Thank God. I just pray that he is okay. I also pray that we don't get into an accident with Dean's maniac driving.


	179. 178 - Saturday

**Saturday -**

Sam's okay but we're all pretty shaken up about it. And we have to wear anti-possession charms because Sam was possessed- by a demon. Not just any- the one exorcised by Dean from that girl Meg. This scares me more than anything. I didn't think that demons could come back but apparently they can.

Sam and Dean are saying that we need to get the anti-possession symbol on us more permanently. As in a tattoo. We're on our way to a shop now.

They say that I have to get one too. I don't really mind much. Mom had a few tattoos and I always wanted some just like her. But it doesn't mean I'm not scared or nervous to get one done. This tattoo is going to be in me forever. And will the needles hurt?


	180. 179 - Sunday

**Sunday -**

I got the tattoo. We all did. The needles weren't so bad. Dean thought it would be best to put it on our chests. That way no one or thing will see it. Me and Sam agreed. All of ours are in the same spot right above our hearts. Mine is a little sore. The tattoo artist said it would go away in a few days.


	181. 180 - Tuesday

**Tuesday -**

Nothing new today. I got up and ate some food that Dean picked up from only God knows where. We're in the road now. Sam said their might be a case a couple of miles from here. We'll see. Sometimes it's a case and sometimes it isn't.


	182. 181 - Monday

**Monday -**

I haven't written in a while. I've been too busy with the cases, sometimes homework and Sam and Dean's bickering. Luckily as soon as we found out that it was a trickster they stopped, mostly.

After we went onto another case with two spirits. One was hunting the other. I don't understand how but we did lay them to rest. We burned the bones of the one doing the hunting but the other we didn't have to. She didn't go up in flames. She just moved on. I don't think I've ever seen something more miraculous. It felt like God. Like he had taken her in his arms to heaven.

I pray.


	183. 182 - Thursday

**Thursday -**

We've stopped for food giving me time to write without the bumping anf moving of the car. If Dean heard me say that he would yell and argue that his 'baby' is a smooth ride. Whatever. She may be some of the time but not always. Not on a gravely road anyway.

Got to go. Food's arrived.


	184. 183 - Saturday

**Saturday -**

Can't sleep. Nightmares. But I also feel sick to my stomach. I don't know why. It will probably pass. Or maybe I'm getting sick.


	185. 184 - Later

**Later -**

I don't feel so sick anymore and we're leaving town. Dean thinks he found us a new case. We'll see.


	186. 185 - Sunday

**Sunday -**

There is a case and it's a gruesome one. I've seen the crime scene photos. So much blood. We better find who did this before they go after someone else.

Sam has just come back with food but I'm not hungry. I feel sick again. I better go though before Sam and Dean wonder why I'm not eating. If they do find out I haven't been feeling too well they will make me stop helping and I've got to help. It's nothing really. Just a little nausea. But of course they will over react.


	187. 186 - Monday

**Monday -**

It's werewolves. We're certain. We think that the werewolf is stalking this woman named Madison. I think Sam likes her.

And I'm feeling better. But I can't seem to get warm.


	188. 187 - Tuesday

**Tuesday -**

Research. Research. And more research. Still not much to go on but we're getting there. I'm feeling worse and I'm not getting much done. I think I'll go lie down. And put another sweater on. It's cold in here.


	189. 188 - Wednesday

**Wednesday -**

I've never seen Sam cry so much. Not since Jessica at least. But when he hat to- Let me start at the beginning.

Dean had a run in with the werewolf and injured it- her. Sam spent the night with her- with Madison. Dean something on her. We both did when we went to see them. Dean said it was the injury he gave the werewolf. Madison is the werewolf.

We tried to save her. We really did. It wasn't her fault. The one who changed her that's the one who killed all those people. But Madison got free and she...

We had no choice.

I'm praying for her. For her soul.

She was a good person and I think maybe Sam loved her, or could have.

I'll bring him and Dean some hot chocolate then we'll hit the road.

Maybe I'll have some too. Maybe it will warm me up. I seem to be cold all the time now. I can't get warm.

I'll pray for Sam too.


	190. 189 - Friday

**Friday -**

Hollywood. That's where our next case has taken us, or so Dean says. I think he just wanted an excuse to come see movie stars and movie sets. Sam isn't very impressed. Me though, I'm excited. I love movies,mostly old ones. The new ones aren't very good. And seeing where they come from is very exciting. I'm not sitting back and letting my brothers do this one alone.

Sam is looking and acting better. I still keep praying though.

And I thought it was supposed to be warm here. It's not. I'm wearing many layers. It's very cold.


	191. 190 - Sunday

**Sunday - **

Dean has a huge crush on this movie star named Tara. It was so funny the way he was around her. A dork. That's what my brother was. But he's always been one. Dean has always been a dork while Sam... He's always been more calm about thins he has crushes on like girls and books.

The case hasn't gone very well. First we found it out to be a fake death then a real death happened. We're thinking some kind of old spirit. A movie actor or actress maybe. They could someone famous who died.

I'm excited. I better get back to researching the history here.


	192. 191 - Monday

**Monday -**

Something weird happened. Something supernatural. The spirits, we can see them on film. And yes there is more than one. We saw two. One looks like a woman from another century and the other is a man from this century. He looked like a tourist maybe. It wasn't very clear. But I checked. There is hardly no deaths here in this century besides the fake one. So who are these spirits? And why are they so different? Did they team up after death? Or what?


	193. 192 - Its Been A Week

_It's been a week. I still can see her shaking, going limp, and not waking up._

_When will she wake up?_


	194. 193 - I Can't See Her Laying There Again

_I can't see her laying there again, not like before..._

_Kenna._


	195. 194 - She Was Dead

_She was dead. For almost eight minutes the doctors say._

_Dean punched him._

_But she's alive. She'll be fine._


	196. 195 - When I Told Her

_When I told her that I wrote in here after the accident, and after she, she was gone, she said that if it happened again I could write in here. She said she didn't want any pages to stay empty._

_She was joking. I laughed. She laughed._


	197. 196 - Dean Found Something

_Dean found something. In Kenna's diary there are entry's, writings about how she was cold all the time, and Kenna's last entry she wrote that she saw two spirits. Dean and I only saw one, the woman. We never saw a tourist and Kenna never mentioned it. We've been talking to Bobby and doing research._

_We'll figure this out and Kenna will be okay. She'll be back to writing in here and getting mad at Dean for trying to read it in no time._


	198. 197 - Kenna's Heart Stopped Again

_Kenna's heart stopped again. The doctor says her heart is too weak. He says she can't hold on forever._

_We're so close to finding answers and how to save her. She needs to hang on. Kenna please hang on. Please._


	199. 198 - It's A Ghost Sickness

_It's a ghost sickness. A ghost infects a living person and it causes the victims to be extremely cold, withdrawn, lose appetite, sleep loss, and their heart to weaken until it is too much and their heart gives out._

_But there is cure. We have to find the ghost that infected Kenna and destroy it's bones. Salt and burn._

_We've figured out who it is by Kenna's description of him and when/where her symptoms first started. Dean's on his way there now. I'm staying with Kenna. I'll make sure it doesn't come near her before Dean can salt and burn it's bones._


	200. 199 - Dean Called

_Dean called and said that the bones_


	201. 200 - Wednesday

**Wednesday -**

I'm feeling better but I'm still tired. Sam told me everything that happened. Dean just looked angry. I don't remember much. I should sleep.


	202. 201 - Thursday

**Thursday -**

All I ever was going to be is a hunter like Sam, like Dean, like dad. Now what am I going to be? I could become a nun but I wouldn't be able to go anywhere. I don't think I'd like that.

The doctors say that my heart can't take anymore 'strenuous activities' which means no running, no fighting, no hunting.

I have to take medication now. Twice a day with food and water.

Sam is sad. Dean too. But Dean is also angry. I'm scared. I wish dad was here. He would know what to do.


	203. 202 - Later

**Later -**

The doctors say that may heart is too weak for an 'average life span.' They told Sam and Dean (I was ease dropping) that my heart will only last for about five to ten years. They say that if I strain my heart or it get's more damaged I'll have less time. Sam asked if there was anything more they can do. The doctors say that I have to take the medication and that's all they can do. I can only get a heart transplant if I am days away from

Dean looked like he was going to punch the doctor again so I ran to him and hugged him tightly. I was crying. I am crying.

I can never be a hunter like my family. And I will

Ten years? Five? That's all?

I must have faith. God must have a reason. I'll pray.


	204. 203 - Friday

**Friday -**

I'm out of the hospital. Sam and Dean are talking about if I should go to Bobby's or not. I don't wan to. I want to stay with them.

I'm going to call Ellen. She said I could call her for anything.


	205. 204 - Later

**Later -**

I talked it through with Ellen. I told her what happened and how I will never be a hunter. She says that there are many things I can do other than hunt. She says I can help people in other ways. Like being a doctor or even a cop. We both laughed at that. She's right though, there are many other things I can do to help people.

We talked a little more and the I hung up. I went back in the motel room and told Sam and Dean that I'm staying with them. They started to argue. But with the strength Ellen and God on my side I held my ground. I told them that I wouldn't hunt but that I would still do research and maybe even talking to witnesses and possibly cops. It took some convincing but they agreed.

I didn't tell them my ideas of going to university or maybe even college to get a degree to get a job helping people in a a different way. I think I'll save that conversation for another day. For now I feel hopeful about my future.

I will send thanks to God and to Ellen. Without them I don't know where I would be. But now comes the hard part- telling Bobby.


	206. 205 - Much Later

**Much Later -**

It wasn't as hard as I thought telling Bobby.


	207. 206 - Tuesday

**Tuesday -**

Sam and Dean are off on a case in prison. They got themselves arrested and sent to jail. All for an old friend of dad's.

I can't go visit them or help them really in anyway because if the feds catch me there's no telling what they'll do.

So now I'm stuck in a motel room a few towns over waiting to see if my brother's- more Dean's stupid plan works or not.


	208. 207 - Wednesday

**Wednesday -**

They're still in prison and I'm still stuck in the motel room. But it's not so bad now. There's a rerun of classic black and white movies on TV. And I just ordered a pepperoni pizza with peppers.


	209. 208 - Thursday

**Thursday -**

I woke up at around one in the afternoon. I stayed up all night watching the old movies that were on and managed to get more than five hours of sleep. I feel very well rested.

Sam and Dean haven't returned. They're still in prison. Prison is a hard place or so I've seen in movies.

I'll pray for them and a safe return out of there.

I just pray that Dean doesn't do something stupid to get him and Sam stuck in there any longer.


	210. 209 - Friday

**Friday -**

They're back, finally.


	211. 210 - Later

**Later -**

I didn't have time to write anymore. We needed to get on the road as soon as possible- that's where we are now.

Sam and Dean told me that they figured out who the spirit was and got the right information from their lawyer. It was apparently a nurse who died awhile ago. They dug up her bones and salted and burned them. She's gone now and can't hurt anyone.

She killed a lot of people. She was a person once. How could she become a killer so easily?

I'm sending thanks to God for bringing Sam and Dean back safely. But I'll also pray for strength.

Sam says I have to go back to school. As Dean would say- Awesome.


	212. 211 - Sunday

**Sunday -**

I went to church today. I felt God with me. I am at peace.

School tomorrow.


	213. 212 - Monday

**Monday -**

School. It was the same as all the other schools. Short and boring. I have to use an entirely new name this time since Sam and Dean escaped from prison. We're trying to lay low. So my name now is Mell Deloris. A very boring and weird name. Sam and Dean are calling themselves Danny and Kyle. No the best names in the world but that's probably because Dean picked Sam's name and Sam picked Dean's name. I stayed out of that argument.

But school- it was terrible. I met nice people who want to be friends, John and Sally Mcleen (they're cousins). But as I talked to them all I could think of was how I'd be gone in a few days or a few weeks if I'm lucky. I was also thinking about if they find out how weird I am. Most people call me a freak when they learn of how much I know about the supernatural and paranormal.

I really want to make friends. Although I don't have a good record with that. Luke. Julia. Naomi. Every time I make friends it ends badly. I'll pray for it to go differently this time.


	214. 213 - Wednesday

**Wednesday -**

School isn't as bad as I thought. Some of my classes are hard but a few of them are easy. Some are okay like the health unit were doing in science. Learning about the human body is pretty cool. At lunch I sit with John, Sally, and their friend Mike who loved old movies just as much as me. Although old horror movies are his favorites. Not mine though. I get enough horror in real life.

Sam is taking a shower and is going to meet Dean at the bar in town which is also the diner during the day. Dean is already there. I'm supposed to be doing my homework but there's almost too much in high school.


	215. 214 - Thursday

**Thursday -**

Mike wanted me to come over to his house to watch old movies that play on TV every Thursday. I was going to say yes but then I remembered Luke and I said no. Maybe I should have said yes. I don't know.

Sam and Dean are calling me. They say they brought hot chocolate.

Maybe it was a good idea to say no.


	216. 215 - Sunday

**Sunday -**

I spent all Saturday finishing my essay that was assigned Monday. It's on a book that I've never read. I was expected to read near 300 pages of it in a week! A week! Luckily Dean got me the movie and I was able to write the essay. Sam wasn't too happy about that, He gave us a lecture on the importance of reading and gave us what Dean calls, 'his best bitchface.'


	217. 216 - Later

**Later -**

I sat with John and Sally and their family in church today. They're family is very kind and welcoming. I like them.


	218. 217 - Tuesday

**Tuesday -**

Dean thinks he's found a case. Sam says there's not much on anything paranormal or supernatural. He says that Dean's just bored. I agree. But it could be something.

I visited John and Sally's house. Mike was there too. We played a few video games and ate cookies that John's mom made. (Sally;s mom passed away when she was six. She went to live with John and his mom and dad- her aunt and uncle). They invited me over for the night but I said no. I blamed it on that we have school tomorrow but the truth is that the last time I slept over at anyone's house I was almost ten and still having nightmares after mom died. I had one when I slept over and ended up wetting the bed, Everyone laughed at me I couldn't stop crying.

I called Sam even though he was away at Stanford. He tried to calm me down as he called Dean to come and get me. Sam hung up when Dean arrived.

When he saw me I though he would get angry and yell like dad would but he only scooped me up in his arms and held me as I cried, He told me it was going to be alright. But I only cried harder. Because those girls laughed at me and called me weird. Because I smelled of men's body wash when the girl hosting the slumber party's parents forced me to have a shower and change into what was supposed to be my clothes for tomorrow. Because my mom was gone and never coming back. Because God's presence felt like it was gone. Because dad favored my brother's and was never happy with me. Because Dean is always gone on hunts. Because Sam left and never said goodbye to me. And because even after four years I still see my mom engulfed in flames like the day it happened, and I'm so scared I wet myself just like the day it happened.

Dean eventually unhooked my arms from him and put me in the passenger seat. He got in the drivers side and drove away. We didn't go to our crappy motel room. Instead we went to a diner and I somehow ended up with a weird food combination of orange juice, fries, and gravy. As me and Dean ate- as Dean cheered me up- I had never tasted anything better. Sam even called to see if I was okay. And I was that night.

But I still have nightmares once in a while. I don't want to have them at a friends house and have people call me weird and a freak. I don't want to be laughed at again. So I said no.


	219. 218 - Wednesday

**Wednesday -**

Dean might be right, There may be a case here. I've been doing some research and there are a lot of missing persons cases recently. It could be something. I'll tell him when he get's back from a food run.


	220. 219 - Later

**Later -**

I've never seen Dean so excited to hear about missing people before. Sam says it could be something. He also says I have ti do my homework and stop writing in here so much, I stuck out my tongue at him and made sure he saw me open this again. Dean laughed. I'll pretend I'm writing in here an extra twenty minutes just for Sam.


	221. 220 - Thursday

**Thursday -**

Dean has been doing research and getting information from the locals any chance he's got. I think he's restless from staying here so long and not doing much. Sam's been helping too but not as much as Dean. I'm not aloud to since I have so much homework to do.

Sam's back with food. Time for more pills.


	222. 221 - Later

**Later -**

It looks like there is a case here. Sam even has finally agreed. We think it's either a ghoul snatching people and hiding them away for food, or what could be something called a djinn. A djinn is like a genie. We have to do more research to be sure what it is though.


	223. 222 - Friday

**Friday -**

It is a djinn. Sam and Dean are out right now searching houses while I do as much research as I can. Apparently the only way you can kill one is with a silver blade dipped in lambs blood. That is so gross.


	224. 223 - Later

**Later -**

I was on the phone with Sam when he just stopped talking. He was with Dean in a house looking for it, They should be okay but I don't think they are. Sam's phone just disconnected and every time I call him or Dean no one picks up. I don't know what to do.


	225. 224 - Saturday

**Saturday -**

I'm okay. Sam and Dean are okay.

Bobby is out on a hunt and I don't know how to contact him so I called Ellen. But a stranger answered and said she had already gone to bed. So I called John and Sally and told them everything. They laughed at me and hung up. So I called Mike and told him. I don't think he believed me at first but he did steal his mom's car and drive to the motel. I got in and told him where to go. I gave him a silver knife dipped in lambs blood that was identical to mine. I told him everything. Everything. He looked at me like I was crazy. I told him I needed his help. He didn't say anything. He wouldn't.

Sam and Dean could have only God knows how much time left. So I told him I'd go in without him. And I did. But he followed me in a few minutes later.

We found Sam and Dean but they were not well. They were both in some kind of coma. We got closer. That's when Sam woke up. I cut him free from his binds when the dijnn attacked Mike. I didn't think. I only could react.

I jumped at the dijnn. Sam wasn't too far behind. But Sam was hurt and my heart couldn't stop punding in my chest, So once we got him off the dijnn attacked me. It's many tattoos on it's body started to glow. It's hand too as it tried to touch me. That's when Mike stabbed it. Mike killed it.

He looked so scared and proud. But then Sam was yelling and another dijnn came out of no where. It killed Mike with one of the silver knife's dipped in lambs blood. Me and Sam rushed to the other djinn and killed it. But Mike. He's


	226. 225 - Later

**Later -**

We had to leave town pretty soon after. We stopped at a motel a few towns away for the night so Sam and Dean could rest. They slept. I couldn't'. My heart hurt too much. It felt like it was burning and it wouldn't stop pounding. I took a few extra of my medication and ate a few old chips. My heart has slowed and it hurts less. I didn't tell Sam and Dean. They would worry. They would take me to a hospital but we can't risk it. That's why they didn't go and neither can I.

Mike. He was so brave. I'm so sorry I dragged you into this Mike. I'm so sorry.

I'm praying for my brother's to get well. I'm praying for Mike. For his family.


	227. 226 - Much Later

**Much Later -**

He once told me that his little sister always would follow him around- that she was the most annoying being on the planet- that she loved him- that he loved her.

I took away her big brother. She's all alone now.

What have I done?

God?


	228. 227 - Sunday

**Sunday -**

It wasn't my fault. It wasn't my fault. It wasn't my fault.

Was it?

I dragged him there. I-

It wasn't my fault. It wasn't my fault. It wasn't my fault.

We're on the road. Sam's driving.


	229. 228 - Monday

**Monday -**

Mike. I'll pray for you. For your soul. For your family. For you.


	230. 229 - Tuesday

**Tuesday -**

There's not many pages left in this journal to write. It's hard to believe that it's been almost two years since I started writing in here. I'm going to be fifteen soon. I'll be in grade 10 if I continue to go to school. With Sam always lecturing me on homework I'm sure I will be. Dean always says, 'what's the point?' But I think he wants me to graduate too. I will though. If I can't be a hunter then I'll find other ways to help people. Like me and Ellen talked about.


	231. 230 - Thursday

**Thursday -**

We've stopped in another town. Sam and Dean think they've found a case. It looks like spirits. Time for research. Sam says I'm going to school even though it's probably only for a few days.


	232. 231 - Friday

**Friday -**

My teacher is crazy! She wants me to write a ten page essay on the fall of the roman empire and I only have this weekend to do it. I wasn't going to because I though we'd be gone by Sunday but Dean says we'll probably be here until next week. It's not a spirit after all. It never is. Now I'm stuck doing this essay when I know nothing about the roman empire (except what I've learned from movies). Now I have to go to the library and read. If I didn't care about graduating I wouldn't even bother.


	233. 232 - Tuesday

**Tuesday -**

It was an incubus. Sam and Dean killed it and we're on the road again. I didn't even get to see my mark for my essay. All that work for nothing.

Dean is playing Metallica again. Sam's telling him to turn it down so he can read. Dean only smiles and turns it up louder.


	234. 233 - Thursday

**Thursday -**

We're still on the road. Sam, Dean, and me are looking for a case but so far we haven't found anything. Sam says that if we don't find anything by Saturday we should just pick a town and stay there so I can go to school. Dean agreed. He's letting Sam drive now so that he can look through newspapers.


	235. 234 - Later

**Later -**

Dean thinks he's found something. So we've stopped at a motel for the night. Tomorrow we'll drive down there. It should take about five hours with Dean driving. If Sam drives it will be seven.


	236. 235 - Friday

**Friday -**

Sam's gone. We went to Bobby's but he doesn't know anything. Dean called Ash at the roadhouse but he wouldn't talk on the phone. We're on our way over there now. Bobby's with us.

I'm praying.


	237. 236 - LaterSaturday

**Later/Saturday - **

Ash is dead. The roadhouse was burned down when we got there. Thank God Ellen wasn't there. She is alive as far as we know. But there were so many bodies. So many people just gone. When I saw them I crossed myself and started praying. Neither Dean or Bobby noticed.

When they were looking around Dean started getting a headache and then he fell over. Me and Bobby rushed over and tried to help him. Once he came to he said he had some kind of vision. Like Sam. He saw a bell with a tree on it. Bobby recognized it. I did too.

It's an oak tree carving. It's on the bell in one of the most haunted ghost towns in America. Dean says that must be where Sam is.

Dean wants me to stay behind. He wants Bobby to take me back to his place. He said that I'm too sick to go because of my heart condition. We argued. I hate arguing with my brothers- with Dean. I wouldn't let him go without me. How could I? I told him he's our brother. I told him I'd steal a car if I have to. He agreed after I said that- but only if I promise to stay in the car. I crossed my fingers behind my back as I promised him.

We're on our way to the ghost town now. I'm sitting in the back seat even though no one is the front since Bobby is tailing us in his own car. Dean isn't saying anything about it.

I'm praying. For Ash- For everyone who was in that roadhouse, and for Sam. Especially Sam.

I called Ellen. She didn't pick up.

I'm praying for her too.


	238. 237 - Sunday

**Sunday -**

Bobby put this in my hands. He thinks it will help me. He thinks

He's gone. Sam he's


	239. 238 - Later

**Later -**

He look's so peaceful laying there. But he's not there anymore. He's with God now. He's in heaven with Mary, and my mom, and

What are we

What are we going to do?


	240. 239 - Much Later

**Much Later -**

Bobby says that we

Dean's angry.

It's not like dad. I keep crying. It hurts. A lot.

Sam

I

Why would you do this God? Why? _**Why?**_


	241. 240 - Monday Morning

**Monday Morning -**

Dean left awhile ago I don't know when he's coming back.


	242. 241 - Later

**Later -**

He's alive. When I saw him open his eyes and breathe, all the hurt went away. I hugged him. Dean hugged him too. Sam was confused. I was about to tell him what happened but Dean glared at me to shut up. I am so happy that Sam's here I did. But when Sam went into the next room I asked Dean what he did. He said, 'whatever I had to. What else was I supposed to do?' I hugged him. I didn't let go until Sam came in.

We're at Bobby's now. The yellow eyed demon is still out there. And with what Sam has told us he's planning something big. We have to stop him. But all I can think about is that Sam is here. Sam is alive. And what exactly the hell did Dean do?


	243. 242 - Much Later

**Much Later -**

Ellen came to Bobby's. She's okay. And so is Jo. She brought us what she found in the safe at the roadhouse- what Ash wanted to tell us. It's a map. On it are X's marking five places. Each of these places are abandoned churches built by Samuel Colt. As in the Colt. They're railway tracks all around. Pure iron. No demon can get through. Sam says that's what he and all the 'special children' are for. He says only one is supposed to live.

Dean thinks there is something in there that the yellow eyed demon wants and that's why he needs Sam, or Ava, or Andy, or any of them. He needs one of them to go in and get whatever he needs. Whatever is is, it's probably not good.

We're heading there now. Whatever it is we have to stop it. With everything that's going on, no one has noticed or pointed out my heart condition. I shouldn't be going. But I have to.

I'll take a couple of extra pills. And I'll pray just a little more. No just for me but for all of us.


	244. 243 - Tuesday

**Tuesday -**

We saw dad.

What the yellow eye demon wanted was to open a door- a door to hell. And he did. Using one of the 'special children'- the one that ki- hurt Sam. His name was Jake. Sam killed him. And there was something in his eyes- in Sam's I can't explain. It scared me.

We managed to close the door but so many demons escaped. A lot of spirits too. They- the demons looked like dark storm clouds. They went away into the air, and somehow got through the railway pure iron tracks. They also let the yellow eye demon in. That's when Dean did it. He killed it. He killed the yellow eyed demon with the last bullet from the Colt. Dad helped him. That's when we saw dad. He came from hell. He escaped there. That's where he was. He's free now though. He left. I think he went to heaven. I pray he did. But that's not where Dean's going.

He told us. He told Sam. He made a crossroads deal with a demon for Sam. And he doesn't get ten years. He doesn't even get five. He get's one.

Losing Sam, and then- I can't- What-

We have to find a way to get him out at it. Somehow. We have to. He can't


	245. 244 - Later

**Later -**

I pray that we'll find a way. But I don;t know if there is one. What are we going to do? Dean can't go to hell. He just can't. He saves people. He helps people. HE deserves to go to heaven. He deserves to live.


	246. 245 - Wednesday

**Wednesday -**

I can't believe this is our life. Running around chasing monsters and demons. Watching everyone I love-

Mom. Dad. Sam? Dean? Me? Are we all to die in God's plan? Why would God want that? Why is he doing this to us?


	247. 246 - Later

**Later -**

There are only so many pages left in here. I'll try to save them. I'll try to write only when it's important. Only when I need to.

I have to- We have to-

Dean.

Like he said - 'We got work to do.'


End file.
